I’m I a bad person/mom for thinking this??

Question

Typically you see parents having their kids tell grandparents, friends , etc. to tell them “ I love you” back. I don’t want to force that upon my child. Am I a bad person/mom to not make my kid say it back? So many times in my adult life I feel forced telling someone I love them just because “it’s the right thing to do” I want my kid to understand love and have it not be forced. Anyone else think this? How do you approach it?

Answer

I honestly dont know anyone who forces their kid to say I love you. I do push them to at least say hello or goodbye to grandparents  once theyre 4 or 5 as manners, but to make them say I love you is a bit much.

Answer

Nope! And it doesn’t matter what any other person thinks about this. They’re you’re kids and you get to make the choices that help raise them into good people. 
My husband isn’t the biological father to my two oldest kids. We’ve been together since I was 3 months pregnant with my second child. They started calling him daddy on their own, they started saying I love you to him on their own. Kids are smart. They know who loves them and will say it when they feel comfortable. No sense in forcing it, no matter whose feelings it may hurt.

Answer

Nope. Not a bad person. My parents are always like “give me a hug” & will stretch their arms out for my kids to hug them. Usually they’ll go running to them no problem. But there are sometimes they don’t want too, so I say if you don’t want too that’s fine just wave from here & say see you later. Which my parents don’t care they’ll blow kisses & say goodbye. So I asked them to try to phrase it like a question so they know they have the option & it’s been fine. My in laws on the other hand don’t get it & say that’s rude. But I am like you & grew up, my parents never forced us, it was extended family that always made a big deal, you always had to hug & kiss everyone & it made me super uncomfortable. I don’t want my kids to feel that way 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

Nope not a bad person at all. If they don’t want to say it, then they don’t have to. I feel as a mom too, you know how your child feels about someone so why should they be forced or told yo say something you know they don’t mean. Keep doing you mama !!

Answer

No, you're not a bad mom. Haha. Kids should say only what they feel. If grandparents and aunts or whatever aren't around enough and interacting with them enough to earn the "I love you", then too bad. My daughter always tells my mom, "I love you, Grammy." But she feels it. My mom sees her frequently and plays with her consistently. I don't ever want to diminish the value of an "I love you" or an "I'm sorry" or other valuable phrases.

Answer

No.  I’ve never seen someone force that. That would be so weird to me.

Answer

This is a wonderful way to set and teach boundaries.

Answer

That doesn’t make you a bad mom ! You give your children the option to say it and if they do great and if they don’t great as well its what makes the kids comfortable! Doesn’t matter whether anyone else likes it or not !

Answer

I’m a daughter of a mother with borderline personality disorder. I won’t get too much into that but if you experienced this in your mother you’re aware of what I mean but I absolutely do not force my kids to show love or affection, even w me. I ask for hugs, if they want to, they do.  My mother demanded so much of me to support and fulfill her emotional needs that I find forcing “I love you’s” or affection absolutely disgusting :(

Answer

I don’t think so. It’s you understanding and respecting that kids have boundaries themselves. I’m definitely against making kids show affection to someone if they are noticeably uncomfortable doing so. I always hated it when my mom would make me go hug someone if I didn’t want to. It’s probably why I am so stand off-ish now as an adult. So, I am definitely not doing that to my son, and I don’t think you’re a bad person/mom for wanting to do the same.

I’m I a bad person/mom for thinking this??

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