Am I being selfish?

Question

Sometimes my boyfriend sleeps upstairs and it pisses me off. Then I feel bad for being pissed off :/ He makes the decision to stay up late every night and sleeps through the night without issue. It’s not like he’s the one waking up with the baby through the night or anything. So it’s not like he’s constantly losing sleep or going to work super tired. 
we have a 9 month old and we live in the basement with our in laws. I am a stay at home mom (because his parents refuse to help & daycare is expensive af) & he works during the day. He has a chill job where he sits behind a desk all day.  Not bashing him for that ….just painting the picture. 
Sometimes he likes go sleep upstairs in the bedroom alone and not downstairs with us to “get a good nights sleep”. That really ticks me off! 
I haven’t had a “good nights sleep” since before I got pregnant. Like I haven’t had a full decent night of sleep since before I had Z. I wake up with her at least once during the night to feed her. Sometimes even 2 or 3 times she wakes up 😩. && she’s up by 7AM sharp every morning. I’m the only one who’s ever woken up with her during the night and in the morning. 
I NEVER get sleep in or through the night. Not to mention since he moved me in here I have to sleep on a couch because we have no bed down here. So my back it’s screwed. have to wake up during the night all the time. Be up at 7AM regardless of anything and I don’t get nights , weekends , or holidays off. But he says because he works he thinks he deserves a peaceful night sleep in the bed upstairs. 
Like how is that fair? Or am I just being selfish? 😞😞
AGAIN…I AM NOT BASHING HIM FOR HAVING A DESK JOB. AT ALL. NOR AM I DOWNPLAYING IT. I AM SURE IT CAN BE MENTALLY EXHAUSTING. I am just being descriptive so no  won’t attack me as if he’s a construction worker or something that requires hard manual labor.

Answer

Your feelings are valid and justified. BUT the key will be changing your situation. Can you get daycare assistance and return to work? That might help you get out on your own. 
No one is obligated to help with your kids. It's nice if they do, but ultimately the kids are the responsibility of you and your partner.
Also, do you really know how "chill" his job is? My husband sits behind a desk all day but he also has a very stressful job where he deals with the allocation of the entire defense budget for our state. I wouldn't want to do that. 
I think your own space would really help the situation. Then baby can also go in their own sleep space and potentially sleep much better.

Answer

So he sleeps upstairs in a bed, meanwhile youre in a basement on a sofa??? Yeah,Id be PISSED....the man can at least provide you with a reasonable bed. I say you and the baby get a bedroom and he can sleep on the damn sofa.

Answer

No you are not being selfish. Going to work where you get paid and have a freedom to go use the bathroom and have lunch it’s a break from the actual never ending life of mom and on the top the working husband gets uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep. In the bed meanwhile you are on the sofa. Hell no. Been there done that and it’s awful!

Answer

He probably does need sleep. 
BUT 
the baby is both your responsibility not just yours. If you are formula feeding then he can definitely help in the night. Just because you stay home doesn’t mean your mental health isn’t important too. Sleep deprivation can cause a lot of mental health issues. 
Talk to him. Let him know he need to help raise his kid. It’s not the 1950s. If he wanted to have a kid then he should be there to father it when not at work.you guys need to be partners in parenting and it seems he needs to be reminded of that. If he doesn’t want to help even after sharing your feelings and thoughts, then you may want to look at other solutions. 
No body’s sleep is more important than the others. We all need it and that’s why parenting is shared. So you both can take turns sleeping well. Breastfeeding does make the night a little harder and I had some of your same thought when on maternity leave. I just wanted to sleep like he did but I was up every 2 hours until she was 2 months old to feed her due to her low weight gain. It was a stressful time for me PP.

Answer

Holy hell no your not selfish!!!! He should get up in the morning with her at 7am so you can sleep in once a weekend at least. If he has two days of then he sleep in one morning and you the other. Just because he works doesn't mean he doesn't need to give you a break. Bring a mom is a 24/7 job you never get to go home from. For me working is my break although you don't look at it that way until you are home with the kids 24/7  for any length of time. I'm on maternity leave now and it can be difficult

Answer

I have a desk job that seems chill but it is actually quite mentally exhausting. So please don’t diminish his work experience. With that said, the two of you need to compromise. If he went to his job tired, he could make mistakes and that could lead to loss of income for the family. So keep that in mind. However… there’s no reason he shouldn’t pick up the slack on days he’s not working so you can get some rest too.

Am I being selfish?

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