Depression

Trigger warning- depression, dark thoughts

I just had my baby 18 days ago. Since I've gotten home and my husband went back to work I get worse amd worse every day. I do the basics to take care of baby but have a huge sink full of dishes, laundry in every basket, and some days I don't even leave my bedroom besides to wash a bottle to use. I feel numb during the daytime and cry every night. He doesn't sleep at night and I can't take it anymore. I'm so tired. The thought of suicide went through my head today. I just kept thinking at least then I wouldn't be tired anymore. I sit in bed all day and don't leave the house because honestly hauling around a 3 week old sounds harder than sitting in bed watching YouTube all day. My house is a mess and I just hate life so much. I don't want to go on, I don't feel strong enough anymore. I don't even feel human. I'm not me anymore...