Does a complacent relationship mean you don't care anymore?

Question

I'm having this conversation with a friend. She strongly feels that if a couple's relationship is complacent/routine, then they must no longer care & should break up. Her point is that work should be continuous & they've failed the relationship if they let it reach the point of complacency.
It's an interesting perspective. I've always thought that complacency and routine were inevitable in long term relationships/marriages?
What are your thoughts on this?

Answer

Sounds like your friend loves drama. Don’t listen to her. A relationship that’s moving up and down like a roller coaster is not what I’m looking for.

Answer

I've been with my husband for going on 7 yrs. Not the longest but longer. It has its ups and downs. Times when it's really exciting and feels brand new and times when it feels very routine and calm.

Answer

If you become complacent with fighting and it being shitty than ya a sign you've given up but if things are good and both parties are happy why look for things to shake up just to do it. Motion solely for the sake of moving is useless. You need a reason to. My and my husband have been together over a decade and have routines and are solid and happy and love each other an insane amount. If things come up we work on it but not gonna look for things to fix or work on if nothing isn't there. Sounds like a sure fire way to cause unnecessary drams and stress.

Answer

She is trying to make the argument that if a couple reaches the point of complacency, then they've failed the relationship, they no longer care & should break up. She is also assuming that complacency & routine=bad. Being complacent isn't always a bad thing. For lots of couples, it means feeling safe & secure. Now with that comfort & security, there can be unintentional neglect. That doesn't mean they don't care or love each other. Sometimes, couples selflessly put a lot of their focus on other areas (ex: the kids, stress from work, bills being paid, their mental/physical health, continuing education etc etc).  For lots of couples, once they catch this mistake, they will choose to work it out & fix it because they feel it's worth it.
So my point? Long-term relationships will eventually become complacent. If she thinks otherwise, then she has an idealistic rather than realistic view of relationships. I laugh when I see celebrity couples cop out with "things were routine" as a reason to break it off. Don't wuss out with something as normal as complacency.

Answer

Yes you should work on your relationship but having a routine doesn’t mean that you’re complacent it means you’re comfortable. If you feel the need to shake things up try new things with your partner. I’m not vibing with the way your friend came across on this. She’s either immature about relationships or loves drama.

Answer

You can continuously work on your long-term relationship and it will still be comfortable / routine.. I think your friend doesn't get that and is probably just very inexperienced and therefore idealistic when it comes to long term relationships.

Answer

I can kinda see the “if you just give in and don’t work though the problems” part. Like if you get to the point where you stop fighting because you’ve stopped caring and become complacent yeah, probably the beginning of the end of the relationship. Yes, relationships should have work and you should constantly be working together to better yourselves, the relationship, your situation etc.

Does a complacent relationship mean you don't care anymore?

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