Should I be hurt?

Question

Partner is out of town for school. He promised he wouldn’t go to any bars, strip clubs, etc. but I just looked at our bank statement and he literally went to a bar tonight. It’s not the fact that he went but more that he hid it. There’s also a charge for $30 but it doesn’t list from where so of course my mind is racing with what else he could’ve been doing. Am I valid in being hurt/upset? Like my heart wants to be upset but he only spent $17 lol so I’m not sure if it’s even worth a fight.

Answer

Why would you even ask a grown man not to go to s bar in the first place? I guess if he went for school that he didn't go by himself and obviously when they meet up he will join them and not sit in his hotel room by himself. You are asking him not to go out and control where he spends his money. This is so toxic this is not normal behaviour at all. If my husband would act like you I would really consider leaving, because who wants to be controlled like that.

Answer

You don’t really trust him at all do you … is that worth your sanity cuz like it’s still tonight… and you are watching every transaction real time is pretty wild… my husband doesn’t watch me like this… I don’t watch him like this… like it’s all still tonight… this is a lot when you think about it… like this sort of obsession can’t make you happy… he is allowed to live… you need to allow yourself the same outside of watching his every move or you’ll tip toe further down crazy

Answer

For me it wouldn’t be about the money but about the dishonesty. So ya I’d be mad

Answer

I used to struggle a lot with insecurity and jealousy in my relationship. This behavior is very toxic and unhealthy. It’s a hard pill to swallow, realizing that you yourself possess a toxic behavior, but it’s very important to identify. You aren’t a bad person for having these insecurities, but I would advise that you try to work on them little by little. I understand the strip club thing but going out to bars or clubs should be fine. People can go to these places and have fun with friends without overstepping any boundaries set in place in their romantic relationships. Tracking his spending is very unhealthy as well. It’s important to understand that he is an individual and his own person separate from you. If someone loves and cares about you, they won’t try to hurt you. Love requires vulnerability and I think you need to let go and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Getting hurt in a relationship is always a possibility, but it’s something we have to accept. I hope this message doesn’t come off as accusatory or condescending. I really resonate with the insecurity you’re describing and I am so relieved to have let go of it. Wishing you the best!

Should I be hurt?

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