my ex can‘t let me go

i broke up with him a year ago because i honestly didn‘t feel it in my in hear, i wasn’t in love with him. i was honest, upfront about it and told him in a fair way- i said i‘d continue being there for him because i value him as a person so much and so i did. but then i moved on, met other guys and went on about my life and he started terrorising me. he slut shamed me because i kissed someone 4 months after we broke up even though he took a different girl home every night, he called me terrible names, he blackmailed me, he tried to force me to admit to doing more with this guy (who he once was kinda befriended with) than i actually had, he called me, then again he broke down, cried to me and told me how heartbroken he was. i forgave him but stopped all communication between us, he was in a few situationships but continued to call me every once in a while, i rarely picked up the phone. then i got sick. i got very sick, spent a long time in the hospital and almost died. he heard what happened to me and called me every day, cheered me up, made me feel strong, made me laugh even though i was scared as shit. he made me believe we were friends again and i was relieved, i was isolated in the ICU and i was grateful for everyone who stood by my side. he wanted to come visit but i said i couldn‘t, i slept most of the days, i couldn‘t stand up, i couldn’t even drink a glass of water alone, i didn’t want anyone other than my family to see me at my most vulnerable. he understood. he said he‘d come visit me when i get home. i got home, he said he would come over and i was happy to see him, happy to be friends again, happy we could talk again without terrible things happening. but then he left me hanging. and i never forgave him.

tonight he called me again. i picked up cause we had no contact since i came home from the hospital end of october and i thought something terrible must‘ve happened, especially cause i heard that he‘s dating a girl again- like why would he call me. he said he misses me, can‘t stop thinking about me, that he‘d do anything to get me back, to talk and see me once more. i was angry and my whole body was shaking, it was giving me so much stress to talk to him again after everything that happened. i asked him what he wanted from me and said i couldn’t give it to him, that he has to forget me and that i mean good for him, that he treated me like shit, left me hanging when i was at my worst and that i have nothing else to say to him. i asked him about this girl he‘s seeing, he said ‚she‘s not you, no one is.‘. i felt bad for him cause my heart is too big, i care too much. i want peace. i feel for him, he‘s hurting very deeply, but he‘s dragging me down with him. i can’t cut him out of my life completely even though i wish i could, but lives close to my second home in a small town and i have to see him around. what do i do?

btw: i‘m 20, he‘s 23