Finally Gone!!!!

I have been in a relationship for 6yrs, I used to be obsessed with the idea of making things work for the betterment of my family (my 2 kids) and now ex.

Our relationship has been a rollercoaster, I love him still and always will but as a friend and a person who gave me 2 children that I couldn't imagine life without, now that I have them.

We had a lots of betrayal in our relationship most on his side and then on mine too.

We tried everything to fix us, we tried porn in the bedroom together, spicier sex, more dates out, a threesome, ect.

All in all I thought he'd love me better and he did maybe for a minute and then when reality came back, he didn't. He was awful with our kids, believe since he was financially taking care of the family he didn't have to put any physical care into it. He would guilt trip me and throw a fit when I suggested working and daycare or working so he could get a job with shorter hours like he would keep saying he wanted, that way he could be there more for our kids. Never did he like the idea of me getting a job and wouldn't let me.

I am so glad I left because what had started out as here and there verbal abuse, turned into financial abuse without me realizing it at 1st, and then came the physical abuse. I was choked, hit, pinned down and spit on, I was bitten by him, and punche. He threatened and then tried to push me down the stairs as I held our 1nd born as a newborn. I always excused his behavior and then I stopped and just accepted it as the normal.

I had friends though who helped me finally realize that I didn't deserve that. They didn't make me right away but they just were their ans helped me remember my worth.

Leaving is hard, I'm still in the process of moving out. But I am gone! I have a job making more money than him and work less hours than him and don't have to work the weekends like he does. I have a new apartment already lined up and a landlord who is nice and giving me my 30 days to stay in my current apartment and has let him know that legally I'm allowed to stay and then the apartment can be switched to his name when I move out.

I just wanted to share. So if anyone else is in a similar situation it is possible to get out. I "left" with nothing. I had no job, money, or place to lived lined up when I initially broke up with him.

I'm here and everyone who maybe going through a similar situation I hope you know you're in my heart and thoughts.

An I will have hope for you! Hope that when you look at yourself you see not just you but your kids, or your hopes and dreams but also what you've become. I hope you get angry not at yourself but him for tearing you down slowly over the years making you forget who you truly are / was. I hope you find bits of hope, because with hope courage will come.

I always thought I would just be stuck that my life was what it was. But I'm glad I hoped ...