Need help.

So my husband and I have been married for 3 years and let's say the first year was the best... we got pregnant around year 2. And when I told him he didn't act happy. He never came to the doctors appointments, at the hospital he never was by my side. What I can remember he played on his phone. Until she was coming out of me. Well this is when it goes down hill. I didn't have sex with him for a while because It hurt and i wasn't ready. Plus taking care of a newborn basically by myself. It put a toll on me. I went back to work 4 months after having her and he was acting super weird. He wouldn't touch me like hug kiss nothing. So one night I stayed up late cleaning and something in me told me to go into his office. And I did. I started snooping and found sex toys for him. Like butt plugs and all that stuff. Made sense why he didn't need me because he was doing that. To me this is cheating. I feel still to this day I feel so degraded and not loved. He finally agreed to go to marriage counseling after months of me asking. But to me it's not working and I don't look at him the same... I have trust issues from my childhood, i really don't know if I should forgive him or not. This isn't the first time he's done this. But this time hurt me bad...