Thoughts? My friend is seeing a guy who’s 11 years older

Question

My friend is seeing a guy that is 11 years older and the other reason why I think this age gap is really weird is because she just turned 18 and he is 29…. I have not met the guy but I personally believe that that big of an age gap especially since she is freshly 18 and he is 29 that there is a big difference in stages of their life. I am 22 and we are aren’t that far away in age but we’re also in different stages of our life which is completely different I can drink she cannot and things like that. At 29 I feel like your life is basically put together and you’ve been there done that experienced a lot not to mention he also has a six year old child.

Answer

It is  easy just to say this is non of your business, it's much more difficult to actually care. Yes this age cap is to too big and even if she is an adult by law doesn't make a difference. She is too young for this guy and the potential of her getting hurt or abused is high. She is lucky to have you as a friend and all you can do is keep close contact and point out things that are wrong. Either she will eventually see that this is no good for her and it will be good for her not to be alone or maybe all will be good at the end, either way it's good to have a friend that cares.

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He’s more than likely grooming her. My sister did the same thing when she was 21 and started dating a 39 year old. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do except refuse to have anything to do with him (which I’ve done because I have two small children and he has always given me predator vibes.)

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I agree that it's weird, not because its 11 years but because she's barely legal. Guys his age typically have a fetish when they're dating someone that young. Unfortunately all you can do is worry and hope she doesn't get hurt. She's going to date who she wants, she's an adult so there's nothing you can do. Just be someone she can talk to and don't push your opinion on her because she'll just push you away instead.

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The age difference might be weird but it's not your relationship at the end of the day. She's an adult now and can make her own decisions because she's old enough to know better. If it's really bothering you, express your concern to her but other than that there's nothing you can do about it.

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Personally, I agree. I think an almost 30 someone going after a teenager who’s barely legal is predatory.

Answer

He’s just looking to have fun with her and use her let’s just be honest, either she’s going to get tired of the baby mama drama, he’s looking for someone to babysit his kids, so he can go out and have fun with his friends, it’s going to get old when he can go places and she can’t, I’m sorry I can’t go my girlfriends not old enough, or women his own age don’t take them seriously or he’s just looking to take advantage and use her. Unfortunately a lot of times you don’t learn until you get burned. My current partner is 59, I’m 43, I’ve known him 20 years, but had he approached me when I was younger, I never would’ve taken him seriously I would’ve looked at him like he was a dirty old man, not to mention his kids were young, we were in totally different places in life, now that we’re both older, we’re both business owners, homeowners, etc. his kids are grown and out of the house, totally different situation. First thing we talked about was kids were off the table he didn’t want to start all over again, I said that is perfectly fine with me I don’t want any kids, I don’t mind somebody who comes with them, but I don’t want any of my own. It was completely fine with me, we wanted the same things￼. It’s my sexual match, we have grown to be best friends, we have the same sense of humor, any fights or arguments get resolved immediately, it’s usually me, he knows me better than I know myself,. As for your friend, she’s going to do what she wants to do, even if you tell her otherwise she’s either going to try and prove you wrong, or we all have this defiant thing in us especially when we are young, we wanna prove the bad boy wrong, he’s not a bad guy, or try and change them or hope they will change. And like I said Before, you don’t learn until you get burned. I used to date a fixer-upper’s,￼￼ The bad boys, though guys that would basically just use me, to clean up their messes, for socks, whatever they could get out of me, one worse than the other, abusive, manipulative, you name it. They know that you don’t wanna be alone, they take advantage of that. They use guilt, manipulation, and the fact that they know that you’re not going anywhere, they disrespect you, they get away with murder basically they cheat on you, etc. because they know you’ll tolerate that behavior and it’s become acceptable because they know you’re not going anywhere. That’s a sad reality for women. Rather than saying get the hell out of my house, they tolerate crap because they don’t want to be alone, or they feel they have no other option, or they broke them down so much they feel that that’s the best they can handle and handle and get in life that no one else is going to love them because they are now damaged goods or however they feel, who’s gonna love me as a single mom, etc And unfortunately they start out great, and eventually see the real them. Controlling, narcissistic, passive aggressive, jealous, insecure possessive,￼ you name it, and what are they justify it as he doesn’t like that all the time, they try and give him the benefit of the doubt etc., it’s going to be a constant fight with his friend, why do you tolerate this, you deserve better, trust me I was her at her age actually I was her a lot younger. Looking for love in all the wrong places basically. Because I never got it at home, daddy issues my father died when I was four, sexually abuse at the age of eight, I was an alcoholic by the age of 12, I can go on and on rape, miscarriages, and there’s nothing I haven’t been through. She’s going to learn the hard way unfortunately. And then she’ll come crying. Unfortunately people fall head over heels, they get sucked in emotionally, even if a guy beats her but I love him, I have so many clients that I have to hear that. Domestic cases, child support, custody, divorce, you name it.￼

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Ya, at 18 it’s weird for the reasons you said. I know people who at 30 dated then later married a 41 year old. But at that point they were independently financially stable and invested in careers

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No thoughts... Not my friend, not my relationship.

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Maybe you shouldn't worry about someone elses happiness & dating life???? She's literally an adult .

Thoughts? My friend is seeing a guy who’s 11 years older

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