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I mourn for my boy. My living son. The autistic diagnosis is not what killed me. But the fact that they told me that he understands at a 9 month old level. Never did I think my 4 year old son was this behind. It kills me to think "what could've been".

I used to dream your future. I must keep these thoughts out of my head. I promise you I still love you no matter what. I just hope you don't suffer in life. Not as much as I think you would. My dear boy, I wish I can stay on this earth for as long as I can. I can't imagine anyone else loving you or caring for you the way I do. I'm sorry if I run out of patience on some days. But I'm always here for you. Always.