So where do I start… been married for 7 years and with my SO for 13 years. We have a 3 year old and since covid started we had been trying for a second child. I’ve had 3 miscarriages since. The last one took a HUGE toll on me and let me say huge! I knew we were having a boy and I had announced it thinking this was it. I would’ve been giving birth this month. Now I know a miscarriage isn’t a reason to go out there and sin but I sadly lost myself. In every sense of the word. I lost myself and I am not proud. I am dealing with the consequences of my actions. Two weeks after my miscarriage I got a new job. I was a mess as I had told HR i would have to ask for time off. They of course were ok with it. But sadly started my job vulnerable and broken hearted. Took counseling but eventually started to come to terms with it on my own. I noticed my husband all this time was just functioning on auto pilot… going with the motions. Not really much of a support. Not even trying to make things better. I lacked his attention after repeatedly telling him. I then meet someone at work who shows me attention. Became my friend and soon after told me he loved me. It became an affair I NEVER intended to get involved with. I’m guilty for it now. It lasted 3 months until I decided to end it because he is married too. Now im more alone than ever. I ended coming clean with my husband who chose to forgive me and continue working on our marriage. My mom found out because I thought i could trust her but instead she’s shaming me and judging me. I can’t take this anymore. Idk even know if im in love. I don’t Love anyone. I feel numb. I feel ashamed. I feel broken. Torn. I at this point feel like im in a deep deep hole. And I don’t know how to get out of it. I feel no one can help me. Idk what to do.