Not enjoying a single second of it

3rd time mum. I’ve posted many times about his miserable my baby is. We’ve gone down allergy routes, seen paediatricians, tried different meds and formulas but nothing has helped.

I’m now at my wits end. My 15 week old doesn’t stop screaming. What’s the point putting him down to walk away knowing I’ll need to pick him back up even more worked up than he already was. I’m not enjoying this. I am a shell of who I used to be. No help from my husband, I’ve threatened divorce. I’ve no family around, and it’s avoid seeing friends because of how much my baby cries. If he’s not asleep, he screams hysterically. I can’t feed him unless I’m stood rocking him in a pitch black kitchen with the oven extractor fan on. I feel for my other children, I am giving them the bare minimum. I honestly can’t do this anymore. Everyone said he will get better but when. He’s 4 months nearly and there’s not a single second he’s content or happy. Hates the car. Hates the car seat. Hates the pushchair. Hates his swing. Hates his playmat. Will only sleep in the crook of my arm only after I’ve settled his screaming for 45 minutes.

I’m not happy. I won’t see a doctor for myself as anti depressants won’t stop my baby from crying. I love him to bits and I’m constantly frightened something will happen to him, or he’ll stop breathing in the night, or he’ll come down with a sickness. I’m an emotional wreck. I need a break.