Scared of Formula

I currently am on the journey of trying to increase my low milk supply and get my 5 week old son to feed at the breast. I currently use a doner’s breastmilk & supplement with formula and just started trying to practice his latch before each feeding. I have been so desperate these past 5 weeks to be able to breast feed and it had severely effected my mental health. I, as stated, am still supplementing with formula and I could never understand why I would praise other moms for using formula but would think I am poisoning my baby every formula bottle I made. I still cry sometimes as I mix it together and I feel guilty admitting that as formula is such an amazing recourse and keeps our babies happy and full. I realized recently that the reason I think like that is because on day 3 of our hospital stay, the doctors told me I wasn’t making enough milk and had to supplement. I have to live with that I was essentially starving my baby and not enough for him, but that’s a different struggle lol. Anyways, the next 2 days, my baby who would sleep well, never cry or fuss, always content, was now screaming bloody murder all hours of the day. I realized on day 4, our first night home with him, that he had a severe intolerance to that specific formula. I remember that formula was all I had to feed my baby that night as my milk had not come in yet still and I sobbed feeding him it, knowing it was hurting his stomach so badly and there was nothing I could do. All the stores were already closed, nobody around me was willing to spare some of their formula, we were trapped. The next day, we got him on a soy based formula as we believe he may be lactose intolerant and he has been perfect ever since, absolutely no issues beyond the regular baby gassiness (of which gripe water has been our life saver!). I truly believe that horrible, horrible, 1st night home has be absolutely traumatized and makes me believe all formula is bad, even though it isn’t.

If anyone has any suggestions how I could uninstall this extremely irrational thinking, please leave them below. I am very hopeful I am able to exclusively breastfeed as originally planned, but I know that for a while I will be still supplementing and I am running out of doner milk.

PS: I want to make it very clear that I DO NOT judge other mamas for using formula of any kind. I think I just had a bad experience with it in the beginning and it left me with a bad impression.