I don’t know if this rises to the level of rape?

I told my husband about a month ago that I want a divorce due to his continuous emotional abuse and unfounded jealousy. I have asked him to move out, because I bought the house we live in before we got married and I alone pay for it, and I have 5 kids (2 with him.) He said he would, but he hasn’t yet. He has called me awful names like “cunt, whore, bitch.” He keeps trying to manipulate me into changing my mind and staying with him. Over this last month I have made it clear that I’m not changing my mind. I have also refused to have sex with him since I told him we are over. He has tried a few times to initiate sex but I tell him no and leave the room. One time he even offered to give me extra money if I slept with him (we have separate finances, he will usually just give me money to help with the kids daycare costs.) I told him hell no.

Well the night before last I had gone to sleep in my sons room. I have not been sleeping in the same bed with him since I told him we are over. One reason being I have zero desire to be next to him. Another reason is a couple of times I have tried to sleep while he is there, he tries to initiate sex again.

So I’m sound asleep in my sons room, sharing a twin bed with my 3 year old. It’s like 10:30 at night. My husband comes in and starts rubbing my feet. I wake up to him doing this and he says, “Do your feet hurt! Come to the room and I’ll rub you down. This bed is too small for you to sleep in anyway.” I think he even said something like, “that’s all I’ll do.” In my sleepy state I agreed, I had done a lot of physical work over the weekend and my whole body was sore, and I thought how nice a massage would feel. So I go to the bedroom and lay on my side, and he starts rubbing my shoulders. He tells me to lay on my stomach, then he sits on top of me and rubs my back. Then he starts kissing me everywhere. I immediately start squirming, trying to get away from him. I manage to roll back over on my back in an attempt to get up but he remains on top of me and pins his body weight on mine and continues to kiss me and try to take off my clothes. Every time he tries to kiss me I turn my head away, and he then aggressively kisses my neck and practically ripping my shirt to get to my breasts. He keeps saying stuff like “come back to me” and “your mine.” I continue squirming to try to get away and he somehow manages to use my squirming as a way to get my pants off. I’m now panicking, not sure what to do, thinking should I yell and scream and fight him?! But then I don’t want to wake up my kids and scare them. I say “stop” and keep squirming but he pushes himself inside me and in that moment I just froze and felt numb like I needed to go outside of my own head and not be in my body while he was doing it. I don’t even know if that makes sense. He finishes and continues to lay on top of me and I try not to cry. He asks me why my heart is beating so fast and I told him, “I didn’t want to sleep with you!” He says, “Are you saying I raped you?” And I said no, because I didn’t know what to think, or what it was.

In hindsight I realize now I was an idiot for agreeing to a back massage, I should have known better. I told him the next day that I didn’t appreciate him forcing himself on me, and how can he ever expect me to get back with him and feel safe with him when he can’t respect my personal boundaries? He just replied back with “divorce is a sin in the eyes of God and I’m ruining our family.” I need to get him out but I don’t know the best route to take to do this. Is what he did considered rape? He hasn’t done anything like this before, should I be worried he’s going to do it again? Couldn’t he tell I didn’t want it?! Was it just some desperate act to get me back? I don’t know what to think 💔