Abortion, birthcontrol and venting

With these new laws trying to fight Roe v Wade, Im becoming terrified... I wish there was more I could do to protect my rights and those of other women.

Backstory: I have a long list of medical issues. A lot of them are negatively impacted by birthcontrol, including mentally as well as physically. From bloodclots to passing out to heart issues to immense pain to my body rejecting physical forms (IUD expulsion/fusion, nexplenon moving and rejection, etc) Ive dwindled away over the years from each method tried. In 2018 and 2019 I was on depo, and suffered a miscarriage. In 2020 I was on the patch, having severe sudden allergic reactions and loss of skin where they were placed we decided to switch to the ring.. Even with perfect use of both about a month of using the new birthcontrol method I found out I was pregnant, but had become pregnant on the patch according to the ultrasounds and tests of how old it showed. My partner and I had debated our options -including abortion due to my medical history, but it didnt happen for personal feelings and unavailability of funds and resources. We went through with our pregnancy and ended up with a beautiful baby boy... Im sad to say he is already showing signs of my medical issues being passed down (something doctors told my mom and family most dont make it past age 12) and sometimes I wonder if it had been a better idea to try harder to abort before I had gotten further along. Dont mistake this as if I wish I had, I love my baby boy, it's beautiful to watch him grow and learn ( now just over a year and well above the curve for growth and milestones) but I wonder if it wouldve been the more responsible choice to not have kids so they would not risk suffering as I did growing up and still do due to medical issues still unsolved... I tried the IUD and it expulsed within the first 9 months of having it, causing severe and extensive bleeding for months after, I switched to the mini pill as im still breastfeeding but my already unstable mental state was impacted hard with worsening depression and anxiety and irritability with Si and ideas of SH. I ended up stopping the pill at the request of medical professionals at the beginning of this month but then had sex with my partner and had a little accident when he finished (condoms tear and pullout is unreliable).. According to eve trying to catch up with the end of my long time bleeding it said I only had two days of ovulation which was the day this happened.. Im now 2 days til my next period but I feel sick. I feel very similar to how I felt right before I found out I was pregnant with our son... I took a clearblue and the faintest of faint lines showed positive. Im terrified.

My last pregnancy not only lead to him having medical issues after birth, but the entire time I was severely sick and couldnt hold a job, I was in and out of the hospital for issues physically and worries for our child throughout pregnancy just hoping to make it to term without either of us dying. Im not a good camdidate for surgery with my medical issues as stotched and staples come out and open wounds wider as my skin just gives out, and I'm allergic to adhesives more so now than i was when younger. I also have issues with bleeding more and longer than most. I was terrified my entire pregnancy that they would try to push for a CSection and my partner would lose me and our baby on the table...

If I am pregnant again, the financial side scares me, as we already know its uncovered by Medicaid for an abortion, but we bought a house in december and are already struggling to make ends meet at this time due to other life situations. I already struggle keeping a job medically, but if i end up being pregnant I know itll be a repeat of last time most likely...

The legal side scares me as well. I feel safer knowing we have the option right now but as the rules get stricter I worry ill be stuck to try a pregnancy again when it didn't go very well the last times. My partner offered a vasectomy but is unable until his deductible is met later this year.

I know practicing abstinence is an option but simply put is a short term solution.

If I am pregnant again, I know the tug between my belief of freedom of choice and personal soul beliefs that made it difficult to make a decision last time. This time I feel like id lean more to an abortion as I want to give everything I can to our son that is already with us, something I fear I wont be able to do if i go through with a pregnancy as we are struggling financially and myself medically.. But on the other side of the coin it felt wrong for me the last time I debated it and I couldnt bring myself to do it.

FREEDOM OF CHOICE FOR ALL WOMEN IS THEIR OWN PERSONAL CHOICE AND I DO NOT JUDGE ANYONE FOR THEIR CHOICES OR CIRCUMSTANCES. I just personally ended up deciding I was too attached and couldnt go through with an abortion myself, but every women should have the right to make that decision as it is not my body nor my life.

I have a lot pent up mentally, and I wish I could pour my heart out and get help and support, but it feels like every time I do I get shut down for one reason or another.. I just feel scared. I feel overwhelmed. I hate how expensive everything is and how wages dont keep up. I just feel lost.. Im simply waiting to find out if the test was an evap line or if i really am confronted by the choice once again. Sorry if this is all too much or scrambled. I just needed to get it out without putting the stress on my partner as he knows firsthand how it was and is.