My mom says I need to deal with my man?

Question

Idk but lately my boyfriend(father of my child) has been slacking a bit. I’ve given him since I was pregnant to get his shit together as i was in school and working. Basically he never saved money and at this point im STILL paying for everything my daughter needs even unemployed since I have money saved still( I think im good with saving money). I will be working this summer and im hoping FINALLY my man gets himself together. Anyways, idk who else to talk to about my frustration so I turned to my mother. I was telling my mom about how I’ve been feeling and she responded saying “ that’s how your dad was and I just had to deal with it” and she changed subjects. I’m sorry but I am NOT my mom. I may have messed up having an unplanned pregnancy but I love my baby she is my blessing, my everything and I will not settle for a guy not putting same effort and energy  nor will I “ stay for the kids”. I need to do what’s best for my baby now. Am I tripping for thinking this way?

Answer

She didnt say YOU need to deal with it. She said SHE just had to deal with it. The topic obviously brought up difficult feelings for her. You cant control your man, and she cant control hers. You can only control how you respond to your circumstances. In her situation, she was probably left with the difficult choice to either leave, or choose to accept it, because again you cant control someone else. She chose to accept it for her own reasons...maybe she didnt have the emotional strength and resources to leave him, or she felt the relationship good outweighed the bad, or maybe she felt guilty splitting you guys up and not getting to see you every day due to split custody. That was the painful and difficult choice she made. You can make your own choice based on your set of circumstances. She didnt tell you that you must choose what she chose. But try to have compassion for your mom. She was likely not the best person to turn to for this advice, given her history.

Answer

Ur not tripping and honestly think you giving him more than enough time. 
I wish the best for you too. I had an ex who I had to leave just for him to get his shit together. He had every excuse in the world on why he couldn't get a license, kept getting fired, etc
I was his arm rest and leaned on me for everything but magically he got it done whenni left him. 
Some men are just lazy boo

Answer

Do what’s best for your kid. Honestly though. Thinking he might get his shit together when he’s already had time and chosen not to is irresponsible at best on your part 🥴

Answer

You should chill with the holier than thou attitude towards your mother. You had an unplanned pregnancy with a loser, you’re not any better than she is and she’s not wrong for how she chose to conduct her life. For you to pass judgment on your mother is just wrong and it isn’t helpful to you at all.
Your bf may not have his stuff together but you picked him and yes now that he’s your child’s father, you have to deal with him. Job or no job, he’s still your child’s father and deserves to be in his child’s life. Hopefully he will get a job but until then, you just gotta do the best you can.

Answer

What she said and what you heard don’t align. 
Are you staying like she did? Or leaving?

Answer

Is it just monetary or is he also not engaged with her? I think both things are different. Sounds like you made up your mind though.

Answer

You shouldn’t have to just deal with anything, he needs to start pulling his weight as well, you both made the baby not just you 
But you’re doing an amazing job for providing for your child❤️❤️

My mom says I need to deal with my man?

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