Advice?

So I'm 19 and i used to have a job at a gas station but i quit because i just felt so miserable. I quit before even finding a job which is stupid of me but i just felt like i couldn't last another week there. I'm not well off, i actually help my mom with 3 bills, all the hygiene and cleaning products in the house, i give her $150 for groceries every month (i know it's not a lot for 3 people but i don't make that much), and I'm always making sure me and my lil sis (17) have clothes and shoes... So i do help her out a lot but i feel like I'm failing them because I'm struggling rn.

Anyways so one of my old friends came to town these past three weeks (a day after my last day at work) and i pretty much spent most of my income tax money with him (he spent a lot of his too). I had 1k and so did he, and we both would pretty much spend it on little adventures around my city and we just had fun the whole 3 weeks. The plan was for both of us to find new jobs when he got here but we got very comfortable with each other and pretty much just had fun and did nothing those three weeks. And of course it stressed me out that i was running out of money but honestly I've just had fun the whole time. And well, I put a portion of my income tax money into this months bills because i still wanted to help. But it bothered me that my mom called me lazy and asked me when I'm gonna find a job again. It just bothered me because I'm young and i feel like why do i have to be tied down to a job and why does she have to judge me for it when a lot of the financial burden i carry around the house i do it without her having to ask me to help her. And it's like, when she was my age she already had 2 kids. And I'm just thinking it's different times.

Anyways so lately I'm low on money. I have like $250 left but I'm not too worried because i still have $1k in my savings that i don't plan on spending but it's just in case. I used to work graveyard at the gas station and i would use my mom's car because she works during the day so that's when she uses it (i also put gas btw). But now unless i work another graveyard job, i won't have a car to get me too and from work. Yes, i can take the bus but honestly I'm just tired of working these jobs that take me nowhere. So it kinda feels not worth it if i were to take the bus to a regular job. And i honestly do have anxiety about it because i don't live in the best neighborhood. Anyways all there's left if pretty much just fast food jobs around my area.

So my sister lives in North Carolina and she said i could stay with her and i told her i would work. She said she would help me with rides the first month since her husband would be gone for work (he's in the army) but after i would have to figure it out. Which kinda disappointed me cause I'm not familiar with public transportation over there. I still was willing to go cause maybe i could find a job near by i could walk to. I honestly just want to get out the ghetto here.

The problem is, my little sister has court on the 24th this month and it has to do with her SA. I just found it an hour ago but before that i was hesitant on going before her court because i would feel like a bad sister for not being there. But now i know when it is and it's towards the end of the month and i feel like now I'm frustrated because i have to wait til the end of the month and idk if to work for that small amount or to wait but i feel like I'm just waisting time. I'm just frustrated because lately I've been feeling the smallest amount of resentment because i feel like i always take care of her. The only reason I'd feel guilty for not going is because it was this whole situation me and her went thru with our family when my mom was struggling with her addiction. At 17 i got a job and worked so much because in my young mind i thought when i turned 18 i could find a way to get custody of my sister and take us out our toxic household. So the only reason we got out and my mom stepped up is because my cousin was molesting my sis and it caused this huge fight between our family. So me and my have been thru a lot together so honestly it would feel wrong not to go.

But idk who I'm mad at but i feel like I'm frustrated because i feel so lost in life and idk what I'm doing and I'm just so wind up on having to take care of everyone that when it comes to me, i don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I'm doing things wrong and i can't talk to anyone about it because they don't know what to say.

I feel lost. I'm frustrated.

I know this was long and i hope someone reads thru it.