I’m too tired to go on (TW)

I don't know what else to do. I cant share these

thoughts with anyone. I don't know what I expect from

this. i'm just so tired. I built myself a good life. I

sobered from alcohol and pills. I got a good job. I

finished my education. but I can't be happy. I don't

know what's wrong with me. I cant make friends. i'm

so lonely. I have no one. I don't want to kill myself but

living this life is so draining. I just want to relapse. it

was so much easier. I have no one to lean on or cry to.

I don't want to kill myself but I wish I would just die in

my sleep. i'm so drained and exhausted. I cant stand

the sight of myself. I wish I was never born or I was

born pretty. I cant stand looking at myself. I hate

everything about my appearance and body. I used to

be so happy and then I was raped. it was years ago I

wish I could just get over it. but I cant. I feel so weak. I

miss self harming. I miss drugs. I miss drinking all day. I

miss my life when I had no money and no home. I miss

when I got kicked out of my parents house and was

left on the street. I had no one to call. no one to go to.

they took my car and all my money. I was 17 when it

happened. now I work. a good full time job. i'm sober.

but i'm not happy. I don't think I ever will be and that

thought drains me every day. I want it to all be over. I

don't know what I expect from this. I just want my life

to end so I don't have to suffer this every day. i'm so tired.