Really overwhelmed - please help

Hi. I made a post a few days ago about faking an orgasm because I just lacked the confidence to communicate effectively and tell my partner what was going on (it was hurting and I didn’t think I could orgasm - still new to sex) I am still kinda struggling. I can’t seem to orgasm. I took some of y’all’s advice on here and tried clitoral stimulation & different positions as well and it still didn’t do anything. It almost feels numb down there during sex. Is this abnormal? I just feel pretty insecure because this is all so new and I feel like I should just be able to enjoy it but I’m just kinda not and I kinda want to just stop but how can I be okay with sex one second and then all of a sudden withhold it you know? I mean don’t get me wrong, if I told him that’s how I felt, he would stop and wait until I was ready and he would respect it because he is the best guy I’ve ever met. I just still feel bad about wanting that. I feel like I should feel good and excited to continue exploring and getting to know him and myself. I just don’t, I wanna stop. It’s just all really overwhelming and I feel like I’m terrible at it. And I still have a lot of body insecurities and I’m spotting and it’s just so messy (not literally, I just mean in my mind).