What is your opinion on venting?

Question

So does anyone else’s husband not like when you vent about stuff? 
There’s more to my story but it’s really long. I’m basically under a massive amount of stress and typing it out helps get it off my mind so much. 
I usually type it into my notes app because I don’t like to vent to people or talk about what’s bothering me because I feel annoying, but this is my husband and idk sometimes I just want to vent about how I’m stressed to him. 
Well, I vented yesterday. It was about something I’m actively trying to solve, but I was just overwhelmed. I texted him at work, which I regretted because he won’t be able to respond right away and I knew that. I calmed myself down but he had a few ranty texts waiting for him on his lunch break. This is why he’s upset. 
He views it as nagging. He thinks I’m asking him to fix my issues. He thinks I need him to respond right away. So I told him that no, sometimes I just need to rant and he asked me what the point of that is. 
He is clearly bothered by It and I understand, my feelings were a bit hurt but I understand how that can be annoying so I tried not to cry, and was very emotionless while he was on the verge of tears. He’s stressed out too, he doesn’t want me to add to it I guess? 
Am I wrong for ranting? I guess it doesn’t really solve anything and I feel bad for doing it. I told him I wouldn’t anymore, and he got upset saying that he DOES want to hear me rant and be there for me which confused me because he’s sitting there in tears being upset and angry with me because I ranted yet also telling me he cares? Wtf?! I’m very confused. I want to hear him and understand but I just don’t I guess? He told me it’s hard to come home knowing I’m always going to be stressed about something. It hurts to hear that because DUH, our life is stressful as hell right now and I do EVERYTHING as it is. I guess I need to be happier, and not so grouchy. I just feel like I was attacked for having emotions. He even read my rant to me, and it sound dumb as hell just like I already knew it did, when he read it I felt myself shut down. I definitely won’t be ranting to him anymore. I feel pushed away. I don’t need him to rescue me or respond right away, I just wanted to get it out?

Answer

I know someone who needs to vent on a regular basis.  I sometimes avoid her because I have enough stress on my plate. That venting is a release to you, but that ball of energy transfers to the person youre venting to, especially if that person is introverted or high stressed, it can feel overwhelming. If it's every so often or something major, yes vent to your husband, but I dont think texting in the middle of the day is good unless very brief eg 'ugh Jane didnt show up today, it's gonna fall on me today'. If it's becoming frequent, I can see why hes setting a boundary. Also, sometimes women are better venting listeners than men.

Answer

You’re allowed to vent to your partner but it sounds like this is more of a needing a neutral party to get your frustrations and help problem solve with. It can get overwhelming for a partner to hear constant negativity for things they can’t help solve. Not that you should feel guilty for having the feelings you do but I know on the other side of it, it makes me feel bad when I literally can’t help my partner solve the stressor and it doesn’t help my partner to continue to have things build up or be shut down for “nagging” cause that’s not what it is I my eyes. 
I’d suggest getting a therapist. Weekly talk therapy helped me SO MUCH to not bombard, even unintentionally, everyone in my life with issues they can’t help with or sometimes don’t have time for. Like you said, you’re actively solving them, having a sounding board who is there for that reason lightens your mental load and everyone around you too. Good luck dear ♥️

Answer

My husband is like my biggest support. I’m venting about something and he says “who are we mad at? Are we big mad or petty mad? Do you want advise or do you just want to talk?” 😂 it wasn’t always like that. He used to try to fix everything and that isn’t his responsibility. We discussed it and now he just asks what I need ni do the same for him.

Answer

It’s so mentally draining to have a partner that is constantly venting, complaining, stressed over things that are out of their control at the moment, etc. Maybe ask him for 5-10 mins once or twice a week where you can just vent to get everything out & then move on after that time. Also try to focus on some stress management through a hobby, yoga, reading, etc

Answer

As someone who rants to my SO on a daily basis, I do understand the need to vent. However from your post it sounds as if you're the only one ranting and it seems like your SO feels like all you ever have to talk about is something negative, and/or that he may feel that he is stressed out too but can't vent to you because it would make it seem like your problems don't matter, which in turn makes him feel like his problems don't matter. 
Maybe next time try warning him that there is going to be a rant coming, OR ask him if you can vent to him when he gets home instead of bombarding him with a bunch of negative messages. That's what I do with my SO and it really helps. He let's me know if he needs to wait to read it. Also TELL him before hand if you just need him to listen to you rant or if you want him to give advice on the issue. All this, AND make sure you are making time for HIS needs to vent too and it's not just one sided like it seems to be.

Answer

Because we are women and we like to talk while men are trying to fix things !
He may feel he can’t help you hence the frustration of talking about it.
My husband is very patient so he’d always listen and may say “sorry”
Sometimes offer solutions which I disagree with 😂 bht I do rant a lot 
And constantly “i’m tired”

Answer

I've gotten into the habit of asking my friends if they have a minute either to listen to me vent or for advice. Give him the option to choose whether he has the time and mental capacity to handle it in that moment. Checking your phone and finding a huge text of negativity is a day ruiner, even if it's from someone you love and care about. It sounds like both of you are having a hard time managing your stress, and it might be worthwhile to get into therapy short term to work through the stress and to problem solve better ways of communicating with each other and healthier ways to deal with stress.

Answer

While it is completely normal to vent and rant, i will say coming from someone whose husband does it daily, it can get exhausting at times to hear consistent negativity. And i don’t blame him, I want him to come to me about his day but some days, it leads from one conversation about work to another and then all I hear about is work. And I don’t have much to say on the topics other than just listen. It gets frustrating when it’s actively effecting his mood while home, so we have implemented a time limit for when he gets home he tells me about his day and gets his frustrations out but once that’s done, he’s home. He is to leave his work at work and be home when he’s home. My husband has a bad habit of really just being in his head and then when it’s my turn to talk about my day he’s halfway listening while the other half is focusing on what bothered him that day. Maybe he could be feeling this way? Maybe you two can take turns giving a run down and then moving on and being actually home together. He should be someone you can go to and vice versa.

What is your opinion on venting?

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