What would you do if you had this conversation with your 5 year old boy?

Question

My son just started kindergarten and has been coming home saying some odd things here and there that I assume he’s gotten from other kids. None of it has been overly concerning but yesterday this conversation went down:
“Mommy, can I wear a dress to school tomorrow?”
“Um well I don’t have a dress for you. Why do you want to wear a dress?”
“The girls wear them and I think they’re so pretty.”
“They are so pretty, aren’t they?”
“Can you buy me a dress?”
“What kind of dress do you want?”
“One with strawberries on it!” (He loves strawberries) 
That was kind of the end of the convo for a while, he went to go play with his brother for a bit. However then he came back and said this:
“Mommy I think I want to be a girl. What is a good girl name for me?”
I said “you don’t like your name anymore?”
He said “yes but it’s a boy name and I don’t want to be a boy.” 
“Why not?” 
“Ms. ____ (his teacher) says we can be boys or girls or whatever we want. I don’t have to be a boy if I don’t want to be.” 
So… I am not transphobic or homophobic. I am myself bisexual. But am I wrong to be a little upset that this convo apparently went down in my child’s kindergarten class? They are 5 years old. What would you do? Would you bring it up with the teacher?

Accepted Answer

I’d reach out to the teacher for the full conversation. 
No need to be angry until you hear the full story.
What if your son came up to the teacher and had a conversation like he had with you?? 
“Hey Ms. blah blah, can I wear a dress like the girls? Do I have to be a boy?” 
How would you expect a teacher to answer that? 
I would say something like “you can wear and be whatever makes you happy”. 
From what you have written hear, I don’t see anything wrong that was said.

Answer

I’d homeschool or move him to a private school.
I know in my daughters cousin charter school they’re explaining to them about LGBTQ stuff and sex, and she’s only 5 or 6. 
I don’t know why LGBTQ and sex is a topic of discussion for children, it’s definitely weird in my opinion.💁🏼‍♀️

Answer

I kinda doubt that you’re getting the full context of the situation. If you’re concerned, sure go talk to the teacher about it. But do so with an understanding that there is probably a whole lot more to that conversation than what your 5 year old recalled.

Answer

I am not transphobic in ANY way but OH MY GOODNESS I would have that teachers job and have my kid pulled from that school!!! It is SO far past inappropriate for a teacher to put ideas into LITTLE children's heads that the children weren't even concerned about in the first place. You're going to kindergarten to learn their ABCs and numbers and how socialize with other children not to be told they can be any gender they want. That's something that should be privately discussed in children's homes with the child and their parents. To my understanding being trans is not a choice anyway. People feel they're born that way so children definitely shouldn't be getting ideas put in their head that they can just decide to be whatever they want whenever they want because their kindergarten teacher told them they could. I understand that some children actually are born trans but they don't learn about it from someone else they figure it out on their own and this is just so far beyond inappropriate it's insane to me. I would have been marching straight to the principal's office the next morning and raising all kinds of hell and pulling my kid from the school immediately. I wouldn't care if my child came to me all on their own without influence from anybody telling me this but if I sent my child to kindergarten and they come home saying they now want to be the opposite gender because their teacher told them they could be if they wanted to I'd go through the roof.

Answer

My kindergartner is gender non-conforming, she does not identify or present as the sex she was assigned at birth. But that’s a strange topic to come home with. Maybe there’s a kid like mine in his class and kids were questioning it with the teacher? I’d ask the teacher what inspired the conversation. And explore more with your kid—maybe he just wants to wear a dress (they are pretty and flowy, can’t blame him) and believes only girls wear dresses so in order to have one he needs to be a girl. Get him a cheap dress and have that experience. My 3 year old is a boy (born and identified as) and he’s been really into wearing dresses this week, although he’s particular about how they look, he doesn’t want them to be pink or have flowers… which is exactly what all my other kid’s old dresses are lol

Answer

Yes, I would bring it up with the teacher and principal in a joint meeting.

Answer

I think people are reading way too much into this. If his teacher said they could all be dinosaurs or police men or virtually anything besides another gender, no one would take it seriously. A person doesn't become transgender because a kindergarten teacher says they can be whatever they want. 🙄
My 6 year old has told me she's going to be a doctor-ballerina-architect, be married to two men and a woman, and have 10 kids named after her favorite foods (including pickles and ice cream).  I am not planning my life around this or getting onesies embroidered for my darling grandchildren just yet. 
Here, I've substituted "scientist" for "girl" in the OP. 
"Mommy, can I wear a lab coat to school tomorrow?"
"Um well I don't have a lab coat for you. Why do you want to wear a lab coat?"
"The scientists wear them and I think they're so pretty."
"They are so pretty, aren't they?"
"Can you buy me a lab coat?"
"What kind of lab coat do you want?"
"One with strawberries on it!' (He loves strawberries)
That was kind of the end of the convo for a while, he went to go play with his brother for a bit.
However then he came back and said this:
"Mommy I think I want to be a scientist. What is a good scientist name for me?"
I said "you don't like your name anymore?"
He said "yes but it's a kid name and I don't want to be a kid!
"Why not?"
"MS. (his teacher) says we can be scientist or astronauts or whatever we want. I don't have to be a kid if I don't want to be."

Answer

Ohh I'd be pissed. I'm 1000% supportive of transgendered individuals but 5 year Olds? That's just not okay. Call the school. Idk what to tell your son but if my 5 year old said that to me I'd clarify with him that children do not choose, when he's older he can or something like that. What a nightmare.

Answer

I agree with the comments saying try to figure out what the conversation was.
You know your kid better than any of us.
It this completely new? Like he's never been curious or envious of girls wearing dresses before or expressing in some way, that he feels he's not a boy?
Maybe he's just curious, maybe he's been hiding this wish or maybe he's been showing you subtle signs of wanting to be a girl for a long time actually.
In any case, it's not dangerous in any way. Take it bit by bit and find out how your child is feeling and get therapy if it's needed on the long run to help sort things out.

Answer

Maybe your son initiated the topic and told the teacher hes a girl or wants to be a girl? I would ask the teacher.

What would you do if you had this conversation with your 5 year old boy?

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