it's the little things

There are big things too.

But it's the little things that make me feel less at home in my own house.

It's the little things that make me want to leave this relationship.

It may not seem like a big deal - it is a big deal because he doesn't really value my input in anything..

an example of the really little things

- He wants to use store-bought disposable wet wipes in a pack.

- I preferably want reusable cloth wipes with eco cleanser that comes in the form of powder or tablets and are dissolved in a reusable spray bottle.

- I want to compromise with cloth wipes with store-bought spray in disposable bottles of a brand of his choosing.. it's a comprise. To my idea a very reasonable.

He thinks it's not the norm, it's such a minor thing, I should drop my views entirely and not be so "green" or "hippy", I should just be normal, none of his friends do it this way so it's not the norm therefore I'm not normal.

The problem however.. is that we're together for 8 years. Every single decision is made this same way. Compromise isn't possible and every little thing goes his way only. But they're little things so why create drama, why create friction, it's so small. And most of these things are small enough to be made small.. but at the end of the day, I do not feel like I have a say in my own life and it's bothering me.

Like I say.. There are some major things as well.. But it's the little things that make me feel uncomfortable in my own house (We're equally renting). The biggest reason I'm writing this down is part of my preparation for therapy for myself, therapy with an agency that possibly can help me move out if that's what's necessary.

@mrs.

I feel like I was blind. I ignored a shitload of red flags that I wasn't even aware were red flags because my mom did them too. This was my first real relationship, I was 21 when we met while he was 36. I've been unhappy with a lot of aspects of our relationship for years but thought that you take the bad with the good in a person, in a partner, not fully realizing how bad the bad actually was. Like he's been disposing things that were important for me, not by just disposing them but somehow they "accidentally" got ruined, or I asked him to put them away and he didn't and then "something happened to it" so it was no longer fit to serve it's purpose.. (eg. my horse leading ropes, I had bought years before we met specifically for that purpose, of leading horses, they were 100% mine and I was still 100% intending to use them. He had a million other ropes, but he chose to cut my lead ropes up to bind tent poles to put them in a closet. He was well aware that my lead ropes had been expensive, were anti friction and could deal with dirt and water, still didn't give a fuck and cut them up. "What's yours is mine, babe" 🙃🙃🙃)

@Wynnie

OMG! 🤣 SO SORRY for that miscommunication... the wet wipes are actually for cleaning the table and other surfaces like kitchen tablets etc 🤣😂 not ass and genitals 🤣

@Jaja

that makes sense.. now apply that to which side of the bed you want to sleep, or sleeping with the door open or closed (I was physically abused in my childhood, mostly by being snuck up in my sleep and being beaten, in my bed, so I feel unsafe with an open door, so I want it closed, he wants the air to circulate so we actually do sleep with the door open) the thing is that it always has to be his way and to get his way he belittles me or tells me I'm not normal or other people don't do it this way,... I truly don't care about how other people run their households as long as my opinion can matter in mine, which it never does. It goes so minor to on which numbers he wants me to put the volume on the tv, how I cook (we both went to culinary school, I also know how to cook but if it's not his way, it's automatically deemed bad even if everyone else likes my food), how I organise my purse that he doesn't use, how I organize our baby's diaperbag, even when he's not joining, which shampoo I use on my hair, which method I use for potty training our child (even though he's been very clear he does absolutely not want any part of helping with that) you know... things people get disagreements over in 8 years...