I hate how desperate I am

I am not as thick skinned as most. Talking to others I get told that I shouldn't care and move on.

I am in my 30s and so desperate for love and attention. I feel like even short term love is acceptable. I don't go into an situation with men with the intention of a relationship. I understand that a lot of men just want no strings attached sex so I compartmentalize it. But then there are those that do heavy flirting or tell me that I shouldn't just think of it as sex when it could be more. So I okay along cautiously as to not scare them off with my desperation and to not get my hopes too high. I let them lead. I let them contact me as to not bug them. I don't push for anything more then what they give me at the moment.

Things are always leading to rejection. I get ghosted or told that they're not ready. What did I do? I'm so careful to not do anything offensive.

I didn't get love and attention from my mom or dad as a kid. As a mom, my son hates me and resents me. I just want to love on someone and feel it back. I just want a connection. What did I do?