SOMEONE get me a PSYCH eval!

This sounds fucking insane and I know it will

I really don’t care lol

Are you in for a wild ride? Because this is a wild ride and I don’t understand my feelings that I felt during this time and I still can’t believe that i felt this way.

When I met my ex I met his baby mother soon after and we got along very well. To the point where she was homeless and struggling and I was like come stay with us.

There was no jealousy at all.

It was like, somehow in my very territorial and jealous mind, I just accepted her as something that was a part of him. I loved that man with everything I had in me. I was IN, and he was awful. I just didn’t see it until later. We would be left alone a lot. (Me and BM)

And basically I just found out through her that he a big ole POS, and the reason she was so okay with me and so NOT into him. Was because just ew.

After you experience him and how he behaves, just ew 🥴 ew ew.

Like I’m sure y’all know man. If there is something in between two people you are gonna see it especially living with a man AND his baby momma. She was literally only there because she’d otherwise be homeless.

There were small things that happened, and it was her when she was drunk and flirting with him and I literally just didn’t give a shit. Over time, IF I had seen anything weird I would have been okay with it. Like more than just okay with it. We cooked together, cleaned together, watched movies together. He had it fucking made at home. On GOD. Not only that, I was HAPPY and content.

When he cheated on me, (not with her) it was like

He cheated on US. It was like she felt her pain from him cheating on her, WITH ME when he cheated on me. Or she might have been sleeping with him. Y’all, I considered the possibility and literally did not care. We basically formed into legion. But this other bitch? DEVASTATED ME. AND HER. He felt the wrath of US BOTH. She fought for me to stay, and stood up for me when I had lowkey meltdowns she would get up in between us and be like “nah you let her have that because you suck and we both know you fucking suck.”

I ended up not wanting her to leave, and not wanting to leave BECAUSE of her. I wanted to protect her from him. I think I adored her. I woke up to FIGHTS they were having over him cheating on ME. I heard all of it when they didn’t think I could hear.

Someone please explain this to me, because I am so territorial over my man and god… I will rip your face off over him. But her? Not at all. And you’d think to yourself “there’s NO way I could have done that.” -ME TOO

And there wasn’t any conditioning I had to do with myself to accept her. I met her and basically saw them both and the child as a packaged deal, and tried to form a relationship with her and I definitely did and did not mind her presence and eventually over time didn’t even mind if she was touching my man, even if it wasn’t like that. As long as he paid me the attention that he did, I didn’t even care she walk around naked. I honestly liked it. It got to the point that I WANTED him to pay her attention. (THE CHILD WAS AT GRANDMAS WHEN THIS HAPPENED)

There was a night that… I was like.. look at her.

I LIKED IT YALL. AND GENUINELY. and I felt SAFE liking it. 100% genuine, and wanted.

I liked all of it, quite a bit.

In hindsight I am probably the chillest fucking girlfriend he will ever have.

After I left, which, thank god I did because even with TWO women at home and dinner ready for him and his baby taken care of and happy to see him after work

He still kept cheating 🥴😂

It’s funny because now I don’t care. THEN I was so devastated oh my god, but now I look back

Two women, two BEAUTIFUL women and you just… you weird. He weird.

I’m also weird, because I hold a resentment towards him for treating her so bad that she did not care that I was in the picture. He did her so bad for so long that she went from being someone like me to just accepting a new girlfriend while living with her baby daddy.

I’m gonna tell y’all something even more weird.

I don’t ever check up on him, EW.

But I look at her profiles often 🥺 I wonder ab her.

I wanna reach out to her SOOOO BAD. I think I loved her. Man. Not like that.

No. There was none of us all sleeping together.

My relationship with his baby momma was simply plutonic. And I will probably never experience this again, because well.

Quite frankly he kinda ruined my loving little heart and what’s mine is mine. Being cheated on sucks.

Being cheated on with a man that has an IQ of 4 Is even worse. I do not think I’ll ever be accepting of another situation like that ever again, because I’ll literally just slap the ever living fuck out of a grown man. I’m too old for that shit. These men make me decrepit.

I will never understand how I was 100% accepting of her being apart of our relationship, but when he cheated with a completely different woman, I was EXACTLY as if we were 100% monogamous, when we clearly were not.

I look back at this and wonder so much if something was wrong with my heart. I look at the man I am currently dating and I am just now falling in love after healing from that ultra moron

I cannot imagine anyone else but me touching him. Is it a different love? I look back and dont think so. It took me a year to heal and be ready again to even try.

Was I too loving? Was something wrong with me? Does it linger?