Unwell

I’m terrible at grieving. I grew up in a household that wasn’t very nice but I’ll spare the details. This whole process has been painful, both physically and emotionally. My partner doesn’t understand the grieve I have and I don’t blame him I barely had a bump. I have a really bad habit of rely on dissociation to get by. Anyway, I can’t eat, I sleep too much and I feel this never ending pain in my stomach. I feel like subconsciously my mind is keeping my body trapped feeling like it did when I was pregnant. I could hardly eat because of the morning sickness, I always slept because growing a baby is hard work and I work a labor intensive job and I felt some pain throughout my pregnancy. I don’t know how to get past this. I can’t grieve without me disconnecting my emotions because I feel like I’ll be overwhelmed. I feel so dramatic and so crazy because I wasn’t raised to fall apart. Any advice? I need support but my partner doesn’t understand what I’m going through. As much as I want and need him here, I feel worse because how can I cry for our daughter and he makes plans to go out (not in a idc way but in an I don’t understand how this feels so everything is normal way). I’ve lost so much weight that it’s visible through hoodies, I feel so terrible all the time, what do I do?