Am I being too strict?

Question

Long story short is that my husband has a hard time taking care of our 13 week old baby. He’ll do whatever I ask him to around the house, and will watch our baby when I ask, but our baby just really prefers being with me. Like he will be nonstop crying in my husbands arms, and as soon as I take him he stops immediately. He just needs his mom I guess. Which is fine because I’m a SAHM now and can be there with him 95% of the time. But sometimes I need a break. Like today, we’re out of town for my husbands job and our baby is either going through what I think is the 4 month sleep regression, or just having a hard time being away from home, because he’s fighting every nap, so I’m trying to wear him in the carrier but then he’s still hysterical and it’s just madness and I need a break. I’ve actually been nursing him to sleep for the first time because it’s the only thing that’s working. 
Anyway, my husband got to go fishing for 2 hours alone yesterday with some friends he rarely sees. He’s been wanting to do this for a long time so I agreed, assuming that today I would get a 2 hour break. But the issue is that if I leave our baby with my husband, he’ll be crying most of the time most likely. And my husband says he tries ‘everything’ but if it’s nonstop crying he will get super overwhelmed and resort to putting our baby down and walking away (so letting him cry it out alone), or putting him in front of the tv to watch something on YouTube. I’m really trying to do no screen time for as long as possible and my husband has on board with that up until these crying spells happen and my husband constantly reminds me that if he was alone with the baby he’d just put him in front of the tv. 
So what am I supposed to do? Never leave the baby with my husband? Or loosen up and let him watch tv while he’s with him? It breaks my heart to imagine him crying for me nonstop which is why I’ve only left them alone twice for a very short amount of time. 
Also, I know my husband needs to spend more time with the baby so he can become another source of comfort for him, and it’s not all on me. People tell me to just leave the baby with him and they will figure it out. But my husband works long hours and on the weekends he doesn’t even have much time to be with the baby. So I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to spend enough time with the baby to really learn how to comfort him… so is there even a point to me leaving them alone? I feel like this problem will become way worse as time goes on.

Answer

I would just let the TV thing go to be honest. I wasn’t gonna do screen time until later either and and now sometimes putting on Bluey or Hey Bear sensory after I’ve already tried everything else is the only way to make it so that my husband and I can actually eat dinner together without my child having a meltdown. You deserve a break. Being the preferred parent is very heavy sometimes. But even I sometimes get overstimulated when my son has been crying all day and I need to walk away and I have to put him down somewhere safe so I can take some deep breaths. give him some grace.

Answer

Just going off of what was written, obviously you know the situation better than I do but persinally i wouldnt say you are being "too strict" but it does sound like you are placing blame on him when the situation is blameless. If he is getting frustrated, he should lay the baby down and step away. It sounds like baby just wants you which is completely normal for a baby this young especially if dad works and baby is with you 24/7. If he is making sure baby is fed, not gassy, clean diaper there really isnt much else he can do to make baby calm down aside from rocking, waking, or driving around. Thats not his fault. And screen time isn't great but if you really need a break and dad can't get him calmed down, it's not going to hurt him to look at it for a bit so if you need the break I say do it. Leave the house so you can't listen to baby crying and they will figure it out. As a mom I understand not being able to listen to him cry but dad and baby will figure it out if you leave them to it. And chances are if you are actually gone, baby will calm down once he realizes you aren't there to take him.

Answer

No, you’re not being too strict or expecting too much. Your husband should be a fully equal partner. He should be able to calm your child and should not leave them to cry. If he doesn’t know how, he should be willing to learn and try other options. He should want to do so. 
It’s also totally normal for a baby to have a preferred parent! And that can be hard on that parent. He non preferred parent should be supportive in other ways then. Taking on household work so preferred parent doesn’t have to, making sure you get a break whenever possible, etc.

Answer

It’s normal to prefer you at this age. I remember that was super upsetting for my husband, he felt like the baby hated him. But he still tried. I’d leave them alone for a longer period of time. A rare short break hardly gives them enough time to figure each other out. And remind your husband that what works for you isn’t necessarily going to work for him, he’ll find little things that calm baby that are special to him. But they need the time and space to figure that out. Like eventually my husband found that singing some dumb video game song made our baby calm down.

Answer

Let my husband read this to get his response. He said he needs to spend more time getting to know his baby and letting that baby scream in his face. He said he wonders where he is on the weekends instead of being home getting to know his new baby. He think your husband should open a beer and just sit on the couch and watch something in the background like sports and once the baby has been fed, and diapered, the baby can just lay on him and get used to a)mom isn’t coming to get me b) this guy has me and I’m okay…I mean it’s not mommy but at least he isn’t setting me in the box to watchtv etc. He just needs to spend a lot more time with the kid and watch tv he likes (not baby shows) and walk around holding the baby and like expect the baby to throw a fit and scream. If he is blaming the baby then he is “not being a man” lol (my husbands words not mine)

Am I being too strict?

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