Do I listen to Dr?

Question

I just took my 3 year old daughter to the dr today for other issues, but I brought up that she’s been waking like 5-6 times a night. We have a child lock on the door so she just bangs and knocks on the door until we come in. Its 99% of the time for nothing, she just wakes for no reason. I asked the dr what I should do and she said just let her knock. If she’s dry and needs nothing, don’t answer the door and basically let her cry it out. 
Now if that’s actually what I should do and what she needs to understand then I can try that. But I just wanted to double check here I guess? Is that what I should do? It’s been like this for about 2-3 months now so it’s not a phase. Please leave your opinions and anything I can do to help with this! Thank you!

Answer

I would not allow my child to be calling for me or upset if I’m able to go comfort them. Regardless of age, I think the cry it out method is far more detrimental than beneficial. 🤷‍♀️ my toddler is 2.5 and wakes at least once every night. He comes and asks for his daddy and they go cosleep. A day will come when this stops and we’ve decided to just keep it as is until then.

Answer

I wouldn’t and don’t do that. But do what you’re comfortable with. In my eyes, it is a need when someone wants to be physically comforted by being with a loved one. How would you feel if you wanted a hug from your partner or your parent and they told you to go to your room and cry about it? (Not trying to sound mean, that’s just my thought process about my kids crying for me in the middle of the night.)

Answer

I would not listen to the doctor and in general do not seek parenting advice from the Dr because it’s just opinion not factual. Pediatricians do not learn much about behavioral health in their school or training. Why on earth someone would ignore their child’s cries for help is beyond me. Calling children “master manipulators” puts parents in an adversarial relationship with their children which does not help them. I would try to problem solve the situation. Is your child scared ? Needing comfort ? Going through life stresses or changes ? Or something else ? Consider a lovey or some form of security toy or blanket they can sleep with too. Or just let them in your bed if needed. Last thing I would ever do is leave your young child with a developing brain to cry outside your room scared, tired and rejected by their parents. I recommend reading “the whole brain child “ for better parenting advice than your pediatrician.

Answer

My parents used to lock their bedroom door so when my young self (older than 3 even) would go looking for comfort after having a nightmare and I was met with a locked door and a dark house, I was terrified. Scared me enough to stick with me after all these years. 
My son is 3.5 and if he comes in our room or the living room after bedtime, we check that all his needs are met, walk him to his room, tuck him back in and leave again. I usually check back in with him after 5 minutes because it’s taught him that I WILL be back, and after I check on him again a few minutes after that he’s rarely still awake. I could never lock him in his room and ignore him…

Answer

I as a grown adult wake at least 2-3 times a night, so I can’t imagine expecting any one to sleep completely through the night but I think you’d benefit from really setting boundaries of what is expected of her if/when she wakes. If she’s truly just seeking comfort I would start talking more and more about it during the day and try to get her used to the idea of you just being in the other room and needing your sleep too. If she wants a glass of water, set her up with one and tell her where to find it at the beginning of each night, how to go potty etc. no need to lock her in her room but be firm with you expectations and don’t give in to “just one more book” or whatever she may ask.

Answer

Is her behavior also off? My friend's son has sleep apnea. For quite awhile they thought he had behavior issues and ADHD. After so many evaluations, the apnea was found. Usually by age 3, they may have trouble getting to sleep eg wanting to play or trying to stall bedtime, but once asleep theyre usually out for at least a solid while through REM sleep. Especially if she was able to self soothe before. Im not a dr but thats a possibility to consider. Her son is a healthy weight btw.

Answer

If this were my son, I would talk about it a lot ahead of time. Discuss that she is a big girl and that she needs to stay in her bed all night unless she needs to go potty. Explain that if she doesn’t need something, that you won’t come to her door when she knocks. She needs to go back to her bed on her own. 
What does she tell you is the reason for getting out of bed? If it’s just excuses then yes you will have to just be strong and let her learn on her own. If it’s reasons like she is scared or wants to check in with you, then maybe if she picks out a special stuffed animal or doll it could serve as a source of comfort that she needs to learn self soothing.

Answer

Honestly, I think that’s just something that’s up to you, I have never been a cry it out type of parent. I was a really bad sleeper when I was a baby and my daughter is the same way and I was told that she just has a really active mind, she doesn’t sleep well and she also doesn’t nap so 🤣. I think in this case it’s just whatever you feel is best for you and your family, if you don’t mind getting up with her then I’d say just go ahead and do it but if it’s taking a toll on you don’t feel bad for letting her cry every now and then. ￼

Do I listen to Dr?

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