Am I being a wet blanket or does my family expect too much from me?

Question

The reason I’m asking this is because my mom is getting more and more angry with me every day it seems, and is starting to get hostile. Like angry phone calls, etc. And I’m just not sure if I should agree to more stuff or if I’m being reasonable for a new mom with a tiny baby. 
My mom thinks I’m being too inflexible and causing our (extended) to not be able to get together and do fun things for the holidays. She wants my family (it’s my husband, 4 month old baby, and me), my sisters family (sister is 9 months pregnant with her first baby), and my other sister to get together and do more stuff as a big family. Which I can totally understand, but we’re all getting older and have our own families so it’s difficult. Is she right though? I feel guilty and like I’m being a wet blanket. But I also am a new mom and need to look out for myself and family and I don’t want to continue to do stuff that makes me uncomfortable or isn’t in the best interest of my baby. And I kind of think she’s just trying to create a problem because she’s bored. These are the examples she brought up to me today, all at once/one after another: 
- She made a dinner reservation for NYE at a pretty fancy restaurant. I said I can’t go bc I don’t want to bring my tiny baby to a restaurant (pretty sure other people wouldn’t either) between it being flu/rsv/Covid season and he would cry at least a little bit and it wouldn’t be enjoyable for me, my husband or our baby 
- She wants my whole family to go to a very fancy restaurant with my siblings and parents sometime over the holidays. Again I said no I don’t want to bring my baby. I said I can go to her house if we do something there, I suggested baking Christmas cookies as a family, she said no bc we don’t have time to coordinate that 
- She wants to celebrate Christmas very late, dinner starting at 7/8pm and games/presents from 10pm-midnight ish. We’ve done this in the past but not the last few years. My baby’s bedtime is around 8pm and he wakes up a lot at night so I need to go to bed with him in order to get as much sleep as possible. I said I can attend anything before 8pm but will be leaving at 8 to get my baby to bed. She’s really upset and doesn’t understand why I can’t just keep him up for the sake of tradition (there’s no other reason to start dinner so late) 
- She wanted to get tickets for a broadway show for my siblings and me (and our SO’s) and wanted me to leave LO with her so she could babysit while she watches him. I’m not comfortable leaving him with her or in general for that long, I just don’t want to. He’s 4 months old and cries for me when I leave. I said no thank you and she got mad that I’m not allowing us to do anything as a family.. but she wouldn’t even have been going to the show with us
- She has a wedding across the country next summer (so LO would be about 1 year old) and wants to make it into an extended family vacation for a week. My sister said she’d go with her husband and baby (who’d be 8 months old). I don’t want to go bc my husband gets only 2 weeks of vacation and we use 1 to go to his summer cabin and the other for random stuff throughout the year. I just don’t want to go to the place they’re going and spend a ton of $ and time there. She doesn’t understand why I don’t want to cart my baby across the country if my sister is open to doing that. Note my sister’s baby isn’t even born yet so idk how she can say for sure that she is up for that trip. 
- She always asks to bring her new puppy to my house and complains when I say no (every time). My baby can roll over now so all of his play mats and toys are on the floor. The lower shelf of the changing table is also low to the ground. Her dog will grab anything he can and chew it up. I live in a 1 bedroom apartment and don’t want to pick everything off the floor just so her dog can be here. 
These are just some of the things she’s annoyed with me for saying no to. Am I a complete wet blanket? If it matters, my mom sees my baby at least twice/week. We go to her house and she comes to us. We also FaceTime almost every day. And we have already gone on a weekend vacation together and I’ve stayed with my baby at her house many weekends.

Answer

I saw your previous post about dinner a few weeks ago. I am with you on each of these things. My mom and my MIL go out of their way to make things easier for us with the new baby. 
There’s no reason for a baby in a fancy restaurant, especially not on NYE. Not fun for your or your husband and I’m sure the other restaurant guests wouldn’t love it either. 
She can easier make the Christmas dinner earlier just because you asked and it would be easier for you. Who cares if it was 8pm years ago. 
I wouldn’t leave my infant to see a Broadway play and I’d also prioritize my spouses vacation days if they were limited. And finally, I wouldn’t want a dog in my small apartment either. 
Maybe I’m a wet blanket too but oh well baby is so little this year, you need to make things easy on yourself and babe

Answer

Your mom’s requests and expectations are unreasonable when you have a 4 month old, or a baby at all, for that matter. Sounds like it’s not about spending time as a family, it’s about doing what SHE wants.

Answer

A baby should not go to a fancy restaurant omg ya some of her ideas are kind of ridiculous!

Answer

Not a wet blanket at all!!!  You do you.  Some parents like the take the baby every where approach.  Others don’t.  There’s no right answer here other than the one you want.  
On going to nice restaurants, I do think that is totally inappropriate for small babies.  every time I’ve been to a nice restaurant and babies were there they were not quiet and sleeping the whole time.  There was always jiggling around and unhappiness and fussiness at some point and that’s so disruptive to other people, some of whom came to have time as a couple that need peace and quiet because they’re working hard raising their own kids and need a night to themselves (raising my hand here!!  Went to a very nice restaurant with not one but 2 babies that were anything but quiet and sleeping.  It was so rude and awful for what was suppose to be our romantic, quiet date night). 
I think it’s totally rude to bring small children to nice restaurants and would never do it myself.   I’ve seen it once where baby was in the stroller and truly slept the whole time.  Every other time there are people pacing around with the baby, baby fusses at some point sometimes often, etc.  The truth is, If folks can afford a really nice restaurant, then those same folks can afford a babysitter.   
Ok that was a bit of a rant but it’s all to say I think the nice restaurants aren’t even just about you and what your preference is, if they’re really nice babies really shouldn’t be there at all.  It’s unkind to folks that are trying to have an adult night out.

Answer

Ehhhh you’re your own person and should do only what makes you comfortable. However, I’m really really close with mine and my husbands family and honestly have done/would do all of the things your mom is “ridiculous” for proposing to you. I have three little ones, 4, 2 and 7 weeks old. I’ve already taken my 7 week old on a vacation out of town because my in laws were visiting and both of our families wanted to spend time together. We even went to a few restaurants while on this vacation. My baby was like 2 weeks old at the time, I just baby wore her the whole time and it was more than fine. I’ve taken my oldest daughter when she was 4 months old to another country on family vacation with my parents and siblings, my sons first flight was when he was 3 months old to visit family, my 4 and 2 year old took 9 flights over the summer, including to two different countries and the rest to another state, all for family time. To me, I prioritize time spent with our extended families more than a routine, and I think we’re pretty well rounded and my kiddos adjust really easily to environment changes because of it. We live really fun and exciting lives full of family time because it’s important to us. With that being said, your mom shouldn’t be trying to push those things on you that make you uncomfortable if you’ve said you don’t want to do those things. That’s okay too if it’s what YOU desire for your life.

Answer

Hell no. I refused to see any family for thanksgiving, Christmas and new years. My baby is due in two weeks and I’m not risking getting sick before the hospital and not risking my babies health just bc it’s a holiday. She’s expecting way too much. You’re allowed to do your own thing. Who the hell wants to go to a restaurant on NYE anyway?!  Way too many people.  As far as the time goes for Christmas.. ya no thanks. My toddler goes to bed at that time so there’s no way I’d be going anywhere that late.

Answer

I don’t know. I’ve always been more on the side of not stressing out about schedules and going and doing whatever we want because i wanted a well adapted child. For the most part it’s worked out well for us, in fact I can’t think of one time where we’ve had a public meltdown. especially when my son was that little for the most part when we went out to dinner he would just sleep the whole time. I don’t know why she thinks baking cookies would be harder to coordinate than a fancy dinner though that sounds odd to me. I have dogs so I can’t exactly speak to the puppy thing but she should for sure respect your wishes. As for leaving your baby with your mom, that’s really up to you as it depends on your relationship with her and your comfortability. I’d personally be fine with it for myself my son has stayed with my parents overnight a few times the first time I think he was 4 months old. You know what works for your family, but I’d say you may need to compromise on at least a couple of things.

Am I being a wet blanket or does my family expect too much from me?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey