Letting my child go away with his team overnight

I'm having a lot of feelings about this. My son is in a coed volleyball team at his high school and in February they're going away overnight for a "game" that's more of a Fundraiser. He is a teenager. 15. But I've been through a lot with my baby boy that you all have supported me through. When he was 13 I walked in on my father molesting him and I found out my dad sexually abused my brother for years which he why he left home at 20 and went live in a secluded life in the woods. My father caused my son a lot of trauma. I told my son no and he asked why and I said because he's been wetting the bed so much more lately and I don't want him to be embarrassed. His dad had suggested to me we just pack some depends on pull ups for him to wear and I said no because if he's back to doing this nightly something must be wrong. My son has been upset that I told him no. Me and my brother talked about it and my brother asked me if this was really because he's wetting the bed more again or if I'm scared something is gonna happen to him again where I'm not there to protect him. Honestly maybe it's both? I still feel guilty because my dad is a monster to think I had a monster living in my home. Both my parents are monsters because my mom still supports him. But I'm his mother. I should have protected him. My brother did give me advice as he's also a victim of my father and told me I can't let what happened control my son forever because he let it control him which is why he ended up living alone in the woods for over a decade. My son deserves happiness. He deserves a to have fun. But at the same time he would be away. I don't know every single person who will be there. I don't know if there are some unknown perves. I can't trust my dad. Why the fuck would I trust strangers? It was hard enough letting him go to sleepovers after everything. I'm just scared for him and I think I always will be. My dad is charged and sentenced to 8 years. Why can't I just move on?

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COMMENT (3)

A❤

Posted at
Does he have a cell phone he will have access too? I think if your son wants to go and is willing to risk wetting the bed, you should let him go. With what happened, it's probably best for him to experience things that kids do. Letting that still affect his life is going to continue to stress and depress him ya know? I would just make sure he has a way to contact you if anything were to happen or if he needed you get him for some reason

Ke

Posted at
I would let him go, make sure you know who his roommate(s) will be and that they are someone he would be comfortable with knowing he wet the bed in case they find wet pull-ups in the trash. Make sure he has his cellphone and can get in contact with you if need be. And if he is ok with it, you or your husband can volunteer to be a chaperone (but not his roommate) if they need any that way you are near by but he still gets some independence.

Me

Posted at
Does your child see a therapist or a professional? If so, I would ask them to help you navigate this. You should also probably be in counseling yourself if you aren’t already. Personally, I think your son needs to guide his healing. One of the worst things I experienced after being raped was the feeling of loss of control. I wanted to be the one to control my life and what happened and I bet your son feels the same way.