Back story, every time I have a complaint about my husband or want to discuss an issue about him, most times I end up apologizing. He is very good with words, so I feel like I don’t have a place to complain, I overthink, exaggerate things and I’m sensitive. At the end of our “discussions” I usually do the silent treatment, while he acts as if nothing happened or he did nothing wrong. This lasts for a day, then I’m fine.

Over our 11 year relationship, I’ve learned to pick my battles and not complain about useless things. Only things that really bug me and I can’t get my mind off of. This saves me from getting upset and not feeling like I have no right to complain about him.

So on Wednesday or so, we have this conversation.

Husband: there’s a soccer tournament on Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> the boys invited be to. Is it cool if I go?

Me: why does it have to be on Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a>, can’t it be the day before Xmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> or after Christmas? Don’t they want to be with their families on Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> ?

H: Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> is not a holiday and we don’t have anything planned. But I can say no if you want me too.

He is right, we don’t have anything special planned, but I do think Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> is a holiday. He plays soccer every Saturday morning with his Friends, but at first, I didn’t t realize that Xmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> fell on a Saturday this year. So I said:

if it’s in the morning or early afternoon, that’s fine with me . ( even before we had out 5 month old son, we always watched Xmas movies, sports, hung out with family or friends,had dinner together, or something during the evening. )

Him: but I never play soccer in the evening, I’ve always played in the morning, why is it an issue now ?

Me: (checked my calendar) oh is it on a Saturday? My bad, it’s fine with me, since we don’t have anything planned and that’s your normal play time.

If I had said no, chill with us at home, or let’s find something to do together instead, I promise you, he’ll act like he’s so depressed missing out on the tournament with his friends -with his phone glued to his hand. That would have irritated me more. Our son and I always have an extra nap Saturday mornings anyways. Also another issue I have is, he’s so quick to make and agree with plans with his friends, but not with us. So I’ve taken the role with scheduling things, but I told him that’s it’s still possible for us to have fun with a baby too 🤷‍♀️.

Fast forward to today, not that long ago:

Him: so the tournament is a 9am on Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a>, did I tell you that?

Me : yep! ( I was changing our sons diaper at the time)

Him: since it’s a tournament, each team pays $300 to enter. There’s a prize ( then he goes on explaining the prizes based on how many teams show up)

Me: … yeah, we don’t have anything planned that day so…

Him: why are you sounding as if someone punched you in the face ?

Me: ( pause from changing the diaper and I looked at him ) what do you want me to say, how do you want me to respond?

Him: I don’t know, you just sound dull and bored . At least sound normal.

Me: this is my normal, but I sound like someone punched me in the face ?

H: well it seems like you got something more to say

Like… wth? We already talked about this, he knows I’m not all happy happy joy joy about it but I agreed that he could go. Why is he picking an argument with me ? I’m so glad I didn’t respond to him because it would end up with me repeating myself from Wednesday and him defending himself, then me feeling bad/overthinking everything. Like, what more do you want me to say,?

This is kinda a vent, and I’m overthinking again 🙄, but in general, is it always necessary to speak my mind whenever I’m challenged? Even though I know it’ll end in an argument? Or just keep quiet and leave the conversation completely ( I do this

Often)?