I’m 6 months pregnant and idk why in this moment

I got sad again. Father or baby has been a complete asshole. I’ve tried so hard to act like it doesn’t bother me, and that I’m not hurt but I am. As I get closer I get jealous seeing everyone’s spouses or boyfriends supporting them and I dread not having that. He thought he could have his cake and eat it too and once I set boundaries he began to treat me horribly, being manipulative and even saying he’s not his. He got me pregnant intentionally and to just treat me like shit. I haven’t told many people about my pregnancy besides some close friends and my sister. But as I get closer I feel robbed of all the moments. This my third child and I feel like I won’t be good for anyone and I just feel bad Im a single mom and just guilty I didn’t choose the right men. Been thinking heavy on not telling anyone when he gets here having him alone and just getting a epidural to handle the pain. Anyone give birth alone? Just feel embarrassed. Sorry for the rant