He gets mad at me when I want to use a toy

Okay, so I want to use my vibrator sometimes especially when I know my partner doesn’t wanna have sex or is tired etc. times like tonight when I know he has to wake up early I’m in the mood and I know he is going to bed I went to reach for it and was gonna go in a different room he got SO upset. Asked what I was doing and said he’s so tired what am I doing that for? It just makes me sad because it’s like usually 9 times out of 10 I have to initiate sex to begin with. If I don’t we don’t have sex. We will have sex like maybe twice a month. Together 5 years. It’s sad really. It’s like no effort anymore on his part anymore. It never used to be like this. Within the last year ir changed. Sometimes I have needs and I don’t always wanna have to initiate or force it so I’d rather use my vibrator but he’ll just get mad that ID rather use that then him. But when he can’t it’s like what does he expect ? Me to wait days ? Or when he’s in the mood?.. it seems upsetting. I just want him to want me or at least be okay with me using it when he’s not in the mood. It seems selfish. I have needs. I also wanna get off.

This morning I was in a weird mood and we had morning sex. We hadn’t had sex in what 3-4 weeks at this point. It was so fast I didn’t get off, because I had to leave this morning I also didn’t have time to do much after so I wanna do stuff now and I feel like I can’t like almost like if I use my vibrator and he catches me I’ll be in trouble. Idk my anxiety is kicking in.