Can anyone relate?

So, I’m wondering if this is “normal”!

(A little back story involved.)

For starters, to feel off? Like you know something might be wrong with you?

I’m WAY better when I can participate I in vigorous exercise. Ie a hard 45 minute bike ride to and from work five days a week and 3-5 days a week in the gym is IDEAL lol but less than that (like, dog walks and 3 gym sessions a week)

But I’m 9 months post partum and made 2 big moves in the last 2 years and I’m just not able to find a gym or routine than works for me - where I live now is so much different than where I’m from I can’t ride my bike anywhere.

And I just feel imbalanced. When I’m in a good routine (working out, eating well, socializing) I feel imbalanced a little *off* still but up (euphoric, grateful, etc.) more than down (anxiety, exhaustion, etc.)

Whether I’m up or I’m down I know it’s not entirely normal and I used to love how up and I would get but in recent years it’s made me a little insecure like after socializing I replay convos and think I’m such a weirdo - both in hindsight and for replaying things I’ve said haha. But (usually) I don’t really care I just kinda laugh at myself for both.

I’m pretty highly disorganized, my time management and organization skills are extremely inconsistent and unpredictable, I have a hard time setting myself up for success where as that used to be my jam. Organized and tidy and set up daily to be productive and do well (not super strictly just in a way that worked for me)

It’s starting to make me insecure and it’s impacting my husband (who is incredibly helpful and understanding - he’s my best friend.) and our relationship.

Before our move we lived where marijuana was legal and I would smoke for fun and also have a puff if I was run down and needed to focus. My focus is terrible I’ll be like.. hanging wet laundry and get distracted by the dirty floors and need to vacuum, forget I was hanging laundry and start putting the chairs up to do the floors. Then it’ll take me all day to do the floors because I’m distracted by everything else (mostly my 9 month old!! I must say I have a very patient, fun and loving mother. I can do anything for any amount of time when it’s directly for her) but then i’ll be brushing my teeth for bed and not remember if I turned over the laundry at all until I check the laundry room and see the half full washing machine still has wet clothes in it then I remember.

But yeah so I would smoke for focus but weed is illegal here.

I also kinda hate getting dressed, like to go to an event or party or whatever I never know how to connect the dots to make an outfit even though I know I have decent enough clothes.

I also have bouts where I hate to take my clothes off (to shower or get dressed) and to brush my teeth. I would smoke a little (I was never a big big smoker it was always just a little here and there to relax for fun or to help me get something done - like shower or make dinner) and enjoy my shower and brushing my teeth and all that.

I can be a little sensitive to loud noises (cabinets and doors closing, loud tvs) or vulgar behaviour or chaos/dirtiness, people eating lol! My house is always well cleaned - floor, baseboards toilets never get left dirty but I’ll have clutter like my daughters toys or the dogs leashes my purse and jacket etc.

I will admit I haven’t gotten adequate sleep for even like 1 night in about 10 months (exclusively breastfeeding) but I know this was still how I was before then.

So I’m wondering 1. If it’s normal to think something is wrong with you? Do most people think that about themselves?

And 2. I saw a post about Zoloft today. Does anyone out here who takes it or has taken it think it might help me? Can you take it for a week or a month (so I can just get my life together and get a better routine so I don’t need anything to “help” me) then stop?

Feeling okay, but also a little desperate for this to be easier so I can focus and be my best self again.

This was a long post so thank you if you’ve followed along and thank you in advance if you have any advice for me.