BF moved back to home country and is switching up? Advice!!

Question

My bf and I have been together since October, and he went home due to his visa. It’s less than a week and things have been bad. Before he left we had a plan that he was ganna come back to the states and now it seems like he’s confused and doesn’t really know what he wants. I compromised a lot, he told me if he comes back he does not want to be in the state where i am from so i decided that I will be moving away from my family to another state to do my masters program. That’s my excuse bc i Can do it in my home state, honestly it’s for him. Now he tells me “he doesn’t want to come to the states without a solid plan”, which I agree. I brought up the idea of marriage and moving in with me, and he tell me that he is worried about his working situation while he waits for work permit. He said he doesn’t want to be a burden for me which I completely disagree. The state where I’m going is cheaper and more affordable. Now he’s going on a trip with his friends to Turkey, and it seems like he’s making excuses and is bull shitting. Honestly I don’t know what to think I am sacrificing so much and I need to know the truth before I set on this journey. What do you guys think? I know he is depressed, confused, insecure and jet lagged. Maybe he is scared that I won’t follow through. I don’t know what do y’all think?
Please be real honest with me

Answer

I know you must love him, but girl why are you waiting around for someone who clearly isn't making you a priority. If he really loved you he would move back to the same state and there'd be no ifs or buts about anything. If he really loved you he would be HANGING to get back to you, but he's not, he's unsure, he's making ultimatums. Let him go! There are SO many more fish in the sea and you shouldn't waste your time begging for someone who wouldn't and doesn't do the same for you. I'm so sorry this happened to you, I would be upset too. But I really think you should let him go

Answer

I can understand your point of view , but he also comprised a lot already to move to the states with you and leave his friends and family. Also if he worked in his country then not being able to work and provide for you while he’s here may make him feel like he’s not the “man”. Relationships require a lot of comprise from both ends, and I think you moving to a different state and taking on the financial responsibility is compromising for him but also him coming to the states is a huge compromise.

Answer

You need to do you at all times. Whilst yes some relationships require sacrifice you will be doing a masters away from your support network. Stop waiting around for him to make a decision because it seems like hes confused and will mess you about (he already is)

Answer

I think you’ve made yourself too convenient and available. You need to remember that you are a whole person too with self interests and individuality, and you are not a dispensable resource to those around you. It doesn’t seem like much of a partner to just “inform” you when they come back, they aren’t going to come to your state. That would be like me having told my husband before we got married “hey, I know you have a job and life but I’m moving half way across the country, sorry” like what? There has not been one convo about the future in which he’s organically tried to work you in or ask how you feel or what you want. You need to see his actions and read the writing on the wall. You deserve a partner that wants to build something WITH you. Not make you fight for scraps to be involved in their concocted future by almost begging.

BF moved back to home country and is switching up? Advice!!

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