Hi, guys. Just sort of thinking out loud. I just turned 39 this weekend. Have 3 kids from two previous marriages, 12,10 and 7. That's just how it happened, I am not particularly proud of two divorces, stopped beating myself up though. Through all my troubles in relationships I managed to earn CS masters degree, have an amazing job. With 3 kids though no matter how much I make its never enough. I told myself that I will never ever ever ever in a million years get married again Ever. 4 years ago met my soulmate and boom, yes, I am again married. We have a good life in terms of our relationship, he loves my kids, they love him, we also have two dogs!! He has been wanting to have a child ever since we met. I cannot tell you how hard this has been on me. I want a child one second and the next I do not. All my kids are in school, no diapers, I am in great shape, even thought about competing in Figure competition. I have implants, got them 2 years ago and feel great! On the other hand I keep seeing this other child everywhere. Like something is missing. Am I a total loony? You can tell me, don't front :) no, really, I am so torn. 4 kids with 3 different men, hello, someone doesn't do good in relationships? He is not pressuring me, at least not consciously. He says he will do whatever makes me happy. The problem is I don't know wtf I should do. I guess I would hate how society will look at me? On the other hand, who cares? Uggh... Sorry for this rant.