disappointment..

I've been feeling sorry for myself today, my next period is due the 23 and I feel I coming, my lower back hurts and I'm eating everything. All day I had these terrible thoughts. I don't even want to tell my SO because he wants a baby just as bad as I do. We've been trying for just about a month and up until three weeks ago I really didn't track my ovulation so I probably shouldn't complain. Today I ran into an old friend from high school, her and her husband have been going to the doctors for 6 months now TTC their first. I pray it doesn't take that longboard for us. Can't help but feel selfish since I already have a three year old but I want this baby so badly. I cannot read these stories of woman with BFNs.. I won't even take a test until I'm sure late because I don't wanna know until I'm sure. Sigh.. Rant over :(