I desperately need HELP..

Theres this one guy. We were together when we was in year 7-8 we were 12-13 then.. we broke up but i dont even remember why. I got into another relationship when i was 15 this other guy forced me into sex and i didnt tell anyone for 2 years. The police and my family are now aware. I have committed suicide twice ive been in comma for 3 days and i was lucky with the other just kept throwing up my arms are full or cuts. So eventually the first boy i ever went out with somehow we ending up being us again. I got pregnant because of him and he deliberately forced me physically to have an abortion he has head butt me before and broke my nose. Slapped me a couple times and deliberately hit me knowing it will hurt when having play fights. At the moment i dont know if im pregnant again. Yes for sure i will run away with my baby if i do end up pregnant again. But i love this guy no matter what he does to me :) i dont know how to hack the emotions and the feelings and the love i have for him. Its a disgusting feeling he doesnt even believe the rape thingy that happened by force in a park. I just dont know what to do. I feel so sucidual and just feel like going to a bridge and jumping off all i want is him nothing else. we saw eachother on monday he said he loves me and im the only person hes felt so different towards but he doesnt trust mw and has had enough off the feelings hw has for me and the emotions and the love he doesnt want to feel that way so hes let go off me :) weve known eachother for 6-7 years. I love this guy. I havent heared from him since monday.. somone please help what do i do?