What Nobody Tells You about the First 3 Months Of Motherhood

I'm trying to find the words.

I'm struggling to gather together the right collection of syllables that can be mushed together to convey my experience of new motherhood, an experience many people likely share but never speak of.

First, no one tells you how emotional motherhood will be. And by emotional I mean exhilarating, exhausting, gut-wrenching and euphoric.

When you get married, everyone starts asking you when you're going to have kids. They might even push you to have kids.

There might even be grandmothers (no names mentioned, of course) who buy tiny little clothes and hang them in a closet just in case you decide to have kids right then and there.

Just like marriage and weddings, all society really shows us of motherhood is the romance, the surface story that everyone dreams of and simultaneously hides behind. You'll create the beautiful nursery and be showered with gifts and interview your pediatrician and buy some yoga pants because after all, you've at least accepted you won't be wearing your old jeans for a while.

You think you know what it's going to be like because people say, "It's hard, but it's sooooo worth it." You'll hear this about 5,000 times and so you'll convince yourself that you're braced and ready for the good and the bad.

But that's the first thing you didn't know about being a mom:

1. Sometimes it won't feel worth it.

There's going to come a moment where you wonder why you even became a mom at all. It'll probably come at about three in the morning. You'll be a little horrified because you're doing your duty and feeding your angelic little baby but at the same time, you really don't want to feed them. You're doing it anyway, of course, because you're their mom and that's what you do, but you're almost mad at the whole situation.

"Why did I do this, again?" you'll mutter to yourself. Instead of focusing on the bonding moment like you're "supposed to," you'll just want to be in bed. Better yet, you'd like to be out with your husband drinking a pina colada. The kind with the little umbrella and the cherry. And maybe just maybe the bartender will throw a few extra cherries in there for kicks.

I'll tell you this: It's OK to let your mind wander down that path, to miss what you had. To remember what once was. Motherhood is a pretty jarring and life-altering experience, and it happens really, really fast. Just a few weeks before, you were getting all snazzy and having that "last date before we're parents date," and now you haven't showered in a few days. It's a quick transition and so if your mind happens to wander at the crack of dawn, just know I'm right there with you.

2. No one will be affected by their cries like you are.

You're the mom and in some interesting twist of biological fate, you're going to be affected by their cries more than anyone else. Your husband might sleep right through it, your mom will tell you it's no big deal and your friends will somehow seem to handle the crying with such ease that you wonder what the hell is wrong with you.

It'll take some getting used to, hearing that sound. Something in you makes you want to just jump in and fix it. I'm constantly amazed that the baby monitor is right by my husband's ear with a baby wailing, and he's sleeping quite peacefully.

Ladies, take it as a challenge and an honor. Remember that something inside of you is intimately connected with your baby where only you can really get that gut reaction to their little pleas for food or comfort.