I need girl advice!!!

My SO and I have been together for a long time and he knows how to get under my skin and he definitely knows how to hurt me and he uses it to his advantage sometimes. He's usually good to me but gosh he can be a hugeeeed ahole when he wants. And anytime I tell him that something he does is upsetting me or hurting me he gets mad and calls me stupid  how do I get his attention? Do I just stop acting like i care? Does that really work? I need tips! I want to