The 6 Stages of Postpartum Depression

Recovering from postpartum depression is, unfortunately, a pretty unwieldy process to get through. It’s not like you can take antibiotics and ten days later you’re all set and ready to go. The process of recognizing, getting treated for and recovering from postpartum depression can take months and months and sometimes years.

Yes, I know. That completely sucks.

I was thinking about the experience of going through postpartum depression as seen through the lens of the famed “5 Stages of Grief,” the process people go through when dealing with grief and tragedy. Developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss psychiatrist who wrote the book On Death and Dying, the stages are:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Per Wikipedia, “Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to people suffering from terminal illness, [but] later, to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This may also include significant life events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, the onset of a disease or chronic illness, an infertility diagnosis, as well many tragedies and disasters.”

Could we look at the process of going through postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety in a similar way?

The Six Stages of Postpartum Depression

1. Denial: This must be what new motherhood is like. I’ll be alright. It can’t be postpartum depression, because I’m not mentally ill. I’m sure it will wear off soon. I just need more sleep.
2. Anger: Nobody understands what I’m going through. Why me?! This is supposed to be a time of joy. I don’t deserve this. I don’t want to have to take medication. I don’t want to go to therapy. I shouldn’t have to call a doctor. This is not fair.
3. Bargaining: If I just exercise more and eat better I’ll be fine. If I could just get to the point where the baby sleeps through the night, I’ll be okay. If I get closer to God and pray more, this will surely go away.
4. Depression: I should just leave my family. I’m bringing everyone down. They all would be better off without me. My poor baby doesn’t deserve a mother like this. I’ll never get better so there’s no point in going on.
5. Acceptance: What’s happening to me isn’t normal and I can’t ignore it anymore. It’s not my fault. It is okay for me to talk to a doctor. It’s okay for me to ask for help. I can take medication or go to therapy or do whatever is necessary for my health and that of my family.