Snooping on his facebook.. :/
I have had an amazing first 1.5 year relationship and the last 1.5 was actually pretty bad. My ex kept lying about the tiniest details that I just don't trust him anymore, I've had caught him text the girl he used to have casual sex with, I randomly made friends with a few girls who unfortunately knew girls he dated while he dated me and he's denying all of that.. Now as I snoop of his fb.. I'm starting to realize that his first love and ex gf who left him had the same name as me, and he was still recovering and met me a month later after she had dumped him.. Now we've been together for 3 yrs and all of my friends tell me to kick him to the curb but I just can't.. I tried for a few weeks but I just can't.. He tells me he's bored of me and to give him space.. But I drive to his work when he's working after hours and ask him to see me just to give me a hug.. Like am I that stupid?? Like he barely texts or calls.. No effort at all.. Whenever I cry and tell him what's wrong.. Am I not attractive anymore?? He just says sorry I don't know what to say.. I used to be in love with u. U know it hurst coz I was in a pretty good shape size 0-2 and now I'm a 4-6 and a little chubby.. And feel insecure coz I don't think he sees me as desirable anymore. In he asian community I'm considered pretty chubby and I know the odd one out when around my friends coz they are stick thin and I'm not.. I'm so self conscious these days and feel like if other men don't want me why would he.. Like I see him look at skinny girls and I just want to crawl into a little hole and not come out until I lose this 25 pounds!! I am feeling pretty worthless right now .. Please help me.. I've been smoking non stop and writing things like "loser" in my bathroom mirror and I don't want to leave my house coz I feel so fucking insecure.. What Is wrong with me??