How to Help Your Wife/Partner Through Perinatal Loss & Grief

When we hear that someone had a miscarriage, stillbirth or a neonatal death of a child, we want to help them, but unless we’ve been through it ourselves, we can seem paralyzed with not knowing what to do to help.

When it’s your wife or partner who is going through the physical loss, there can feel a lot more pressure to take care of them — to be strong for them which can put a lot of pressure or strain to always “do the right thing” for her. There are some ways you can help your wife/partner through loss:

Don’t Diminish Their Feelings

Losing an early pregnancy or going through the emotions of a late miscarriage will feel physically different to her than it does to you. Her body is dropping hormones at a rapid pace and she may be struggling with guilt that is often felt by those going through perinatal grief. Don’t tell her she shouldn’t be so upset, she should get over it or that “it’s okay, we can have another baby.” The best thing you can do is hold her, listen to her and tell her it wasn’t her fault.

Don’t Place Your Timeline on Her Grief

Everyone has their own timeline for their grief so don’t try to rush your wife/partner through it. It’s normal for you to not “feel it” as much as she may, but her feelings are also normal too.