Can't stay away from ex what do I do?

My ex is a spirtitual person so he loves everyone and treats everyone equally...annoys me because I'm there for him more than anyone but I stoped being close with since dec,31 14 because I couldn't be his bestfriend anymore (it hurts talking about other girls he likes) and I just can't stay away.. ( he left me for the same girl 2x, he's abusive but I understand his anger issues, he's a player ..he would fuck any girl, he's understand and the best person I can talk to..sometimes ) but I really don't have any close friends so I texted him a month ago just to make small talk ( I know me and him have been over since last year on May because of the same girl he left me for and I was pregnant too..I had to abort and after that whole thing I wanted him to be there for me but he said he promised his girlfriend he would hang out with her since they can't see each other that often.. I aborted exactly when I was 6 months ...I was stupid because I wanted to have the baby but I couldn't ...he didn't care much ..but I still was his Bestfriend/fuck doll ...he's my first love and I just can't stay away). I found out he likes this girl so much that he didn't even wanna do any funny business with me (knowing he's a freak) it hurt a lot..I blocked him and just recently again I told him I was sorry for everything because the first 7 months since Nov 7,2012 I was a controlling girlfriend and he was depressed but I didn't know ...I just can't stay away ...everytime I talk to him I always get hurt because he says "I don't really care" when I tell him something or he tells me about a new girl ...please help I can't keep living in his shadow and I have no friends to talk to this about ( ..God that's a lot of reading ..sorry)