I was only 5 weeks along but I had so much morning sickness and heartburn that I felt it safe to be excited without getting my heart broken again. I had had minimal to no symptoms with the other 3 miscarriages so, while I still felt betrayed after each of them, this one felt/feels worse. I feel empty inside, and I'm in so much physical pain at times that I just can't help but scream.
How can something the size of a tomato seed make me feel like such a horrible person? Why does it hurt so bad, physically and especially emotionally?
And I feel even more like a monster because this was the first time my husband had been excited to be a daddy...and it was taken away from him. I feel guilty for even telling him and making him happy with the news.
I don't want to feel better, truthfully. Even though it's not logical to think so, I feel as though if I even try to cheer myself up that It's going to take my love of that little angel out of my heart. I know it sounds stupid.
All I've wanted to do since finding out yesterday, is sleep and cry.