I'm scared I might be mentally ill?
I know this might not be the place to ask but I just need an opinion because I don't have anyone else to ask.
I childhood wasn't great but it wasn't awful either but:
-My dad was emotionally abusive
-I got caught up in some sexual abuse stuff
-I was bullied up until 13 or so
-I was suicidal for a couple of months
I'm now 19 and I thought I was doing okay but I've started to get scared that I'm not mentally healthy. I have some good friends and although I have a chronic illness I'm dealing with I'm not doing too bad. I'm still ridiculously self conscious though which I've always assumed was something I'd grow out of but I'm starting to worry it's not normal. My friends tease me about how much I care about how my hair looks and stuff like that. I just learnt about a thing called Body Dysmorphic Disorder and it sort of sounds like me but I don't have all of the symptoms so I don't know. It's stuff like refusing to leave the house until I'm completely happy with how I look and even making myself late or missing stuff if I'm not. Or concentrating on specific stuff I hate about my appearance. Or doing my makeup and deciding it's not good enough to starting completely from scratch because it's bothering me so much.
The thing is, I know I'm kinda fat and I hate that but I don't know if I think I'm more fat than I am? I just posted a topic asking of help with clothes for hotter weather and two people who posted said there was nothing wrong at all but when I look at myself I know I don't like how I look. I've noticed sometimes I look back at pictures of when I looked different and think "wait, I was actually pretty?!!" but remember how self conscious I was when the photo was taken and how much I hated how I looked, especially when I look at older photos. But I don't know if mental health problems are only when you can't recognise those things in yourself? So maybe I'm fine and just self conscious? But I know I've literally cried countless times at how much I hate my appearance but other times I'm not so bad so surely that's not a mental health condition?
I know this isn't the right place to ask but I'm just really lost and don't have anyone to talk to so I wanted opinions from anyone who has any experience of mental health. Whether that's first hand or otherwise.