Can the trust be restored?

Question

Ladies, please tell me your experiences with this. Have you been cheated on, whether online sites, physical, porn, or whatever else the matter may be in your eyes? What have you done? Were you able to stay and restore the broken parts? If so how long did it take? How did you do it? I am in a five year relationship and now engaged. My fiance cheated while pregnant. My brother died when I found out I was pregnant and I pushed him away. I became in a very depressed state that I didn't talk eat or leave the room. I even quit college. He says he did it because he felt like he was unwanted bc I pushed him away as well as everyone else. Which I admit I did. And its now been a year since it has happened. But he did it tHe whole pregnancy. He swear he's changed. He shows me everyday with the effort he puts forward. I'm now on depression meds to help me and I'm doing everything I can to fix us. I want to fix us.  But I cannot seem to forgive, or accept it. How can I get through this without a break up?

Answer

If it was a one time thing, forgiveness is possible. But for him to have done it continuously, esp while pregnant, there's no way I could ever trust him again.

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I could never forgive someone who cheated while I was pregnant with their child.

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Honestly hunnie in my opinion the time when he was cheating on you was when you needed him the most, you lost your brother carrying a baby .. and where was he? In bed with some next girl! You could of caused yourself or your baby some serious problems if the stress got too much he should have been there for you.. and definitely not have you here asking us girls if it's ok because you pushed him away.. I think loss and grief does mad things to people I think I'd push everyone away if I lost any of my siblings :( poor girl .. get away from that horrible heartless man that you call your fiance he doesn't deserve you

Answer

I walked out on him when I found out he cheated it broke my heart but I knew he done it once he can do it again I'm thankful I found out what sucks is I was pregnant and it was the day before we were going to move in together I've made the right decision to move on

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I walked away. Wasn't worth the heartache everyday, I knew I'd never get over it. Maybe your relationship is worth trying to save. But, there's a difference in a slip up and a continuous affairs that are ongoing, especially while pregnant during the worst time in your life (I'm assuming). I would walk away, sounds like he can't be counted on or trusted and you deserve so much better.

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When my boyfriend and I were together for about 1-1/2 years, I found out he had been talking to and hanging out with his ex wife. I broke  up with him and we stayed apart for two months. He kept begging me for forgiveness, but I continued to tell him there was no possible way I could ever trust him again. I told him short of him checking in with me every time he does anything or goes anywhere, it would never work. And he immediately told me, I'll do it, I'll do whatever I have to do! And he did. I get a text when he gets to work, when he leaves work, he takes a screenshot when any woman from work or his ex wife texts him. I know some women might think this is crazy to expect of a man, but at the time it's what I needed. And since your man messed up and wants to keep you, he should do anything and everything he can to make you feel better. And if he is and you still don't, maybe you should consider therapy. That helped some for us too. Good luck!

Answer

I have been cheated on by 2 different people (that I know of). The first guy, it happened multiple times &, when found out, I just walked away - no regrets. The 2nd time, I caught it before they actually had sex. I was much more invested & so I tried to work through it. It was the hardest thing to get through. I did marry him anyway. Here we are more than 3 years after that happened & even though he has given me no recent reason to not trust him, I truly don't know if I ever fully will. Has he cheated on me since then? Is he doing it currently? Unfortunately we live in different countries right now & I just don't know if he is faithful. It's hard to say that, but that's what you have to think about.

I don't know if I would have the strength to even try if he had continually cheated on me for months when I needed him most. I know you love him, but I'm afraid this is something that may be beyond just forgiving. Can you trust him again? I would probably not be able to. Can you have a lifetime with him if you don't truly trust him? Yes, but it probably won't be the life you had wanted for yourself. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide though.

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Trust cannot be restored in my opinion. I have had a couple things happen to me and until now I still think what if... It's a constant worry I guess. I do forgive after a while but I don't forget it. So anytime we have a fight I'll bring it up. Which isn't good, but just telling you my experience.

Answer

It's really up to you. Some people can some can't. It really affects the "victim's" self-worth and confidence level which lessens chances of it working even more.

My best advice: read "Why Men Love Bitches" and go see a therapist (by yourself, not with him)

Focus on yourself and decide what you want.

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I've heard trust is like an eraser. I have gone through emotional cheating and we have worked through it, but it has been a hard road. Takes a lot of strength and communication.

Can the trust be restored?

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