Should my hubby just get over it already? What do you ladies think?

Question

Okay ladies i've got a question for ya'll. 
First though the cliffs notes version of the story. 
My SO and I got married in 2013, it was a small wedding with only family. Everyone came except my so's one sister. She decided that a friends wedding was more important than her own brothers wedding. On a side note we went to ber wedding the year after...even though my husband didnt really want to...but took the high road. 
My husband has not gotten over it. Every now and then he will bring it up and just get so sad. See no one ever said to her that what she did was wrong...he claims that she got no conseqeunces  of her choice. He never confronted her with it...I think hes just way to hurt and angry that he may say things he will regret. 
The question.....Should my husband just get over it once and for all...or does he have a right to be upset even after almost 2 years? I just want peoples opinions on this. 
On a personal note she has never made me feel like part of the family. I try and reach out and I get nothing in return. Like my sister told me...honey Darryls sister is an a**hole...she didnt go to her only brothers wedding...who does that.

Answer

I read this quickly so I hope I'm understanding it right but, I don't think you ever forget something like that! He will prob ever get over it and I don't blame him

Answer

Family stuff is complicated because bonds and relationship dynamics were formed at an earlier age so they're more raw.  If he hasn't said his piece to her, he should do it once and the let it go and not invest another thought on it.  He can't control his sister's thoughts and he can't let her have that much of an effect on his mind.  Trying to spite her, convince her or otherwise affect her just reinforces the effect and bitterness of it all and gives her power over his emotions which she really shouldn't have.  We're just not entitled for everyone to behave like we think they should.  It's up to her to fix her relationship with her brother IF she wants to.

Answer

Tell him to write her a letter explaining how hurt he was by her choice, and that it still bothers him and he feels its affecting their relationship. In a letter he can avoid saying anything rash in the heat of the moment, but he can get it off his chest and hopefully move on.
He does need to find a way to let it go, because ultimately it sounds like its hurting him and nobody else.

Answer

Honestly he needs to get over it. If it was that big of a deal to him he would've brought it up shortly after your wedding. And then if it was still an issue why would he "suck it up" and go to her wedding a year later? She's an adult. She doesn't need consequences. She made a choice between her brothers wedding and her friends wedding. Maybe she went to the friends wedding because she felt it was more special and that's her choice. Me and my DH didn't go to his sisters wedding. They live on the other side of the country and my mil would have paid for our 3 plane tickets if we wanted to go but I had decided I didn't really want to go but if I had rally wanted to DH would've sucked up his not wanting to and gone.

Answer

Well. I wouldn't be as upset or emotionally driven by it as he, but I would never forget.

Answer

Personally, I think it's time to move on and get over it but it's easier said than done.

Answer

It's really up to your hubby to decide if he wants to mend his relationship with his sister. As his wife, it's important to support him, no matter what he chooses in this situation. That was a really crappy thing for his sister to do, but maybe she doesn't realize just how hurt he is? I would encourage him to at least talk to her about it. Seems like it would be best for HIM if he could find it in his heart to forgive her, but not necessarily forget.

Answer

I'd say just respect his feelings whatever they are. You can't tell him how to feel and that he just needs to get over it. It sounds like he is really hurt and it might take him a while to recover. His sister sounds like a piece of work, maybe lack of a close relationship with her you both long for is not such a bad thing.

Answer

He needs to Confront her no tell her how he feels and move on. Other wise get over it

Answer

As someone who can see it from your husband's side, perhaps you could encourage him to tell his sister how her actions have affected him? Despite how she treats you, she may take it better from him. She may not, too, hard to say. My brother married a woman who doesn't like me, and has always made it clear that her opinion is the most important. I've lost my relationship with my brother because of her, and I can understand how your husband feels. It really, really sucks. Two years really is a long time, but remember, he's probably looking at how things have changed over time and perhaps what their relationship USED to be when they were younger. Maybe she wasn't always like this. It's really hard when your sibling is influenced so much by their significant other, especially when it negatively affects the rest of his/her family. I feel for you!!

Should my hubby just get over it already? What do you ladies think?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey