Completely lost my way

OK so I've had two prior miscarriages before so I know how and what they are. . . but I think I'm just in complete denial. I found out 4 weeks ago I was pregnant. Got my bfp on a cheapie and cbd said 1-2 weeks. Life is good. But then I hit 5 weeks and I bled for 3 days. No pain and no clots. I take another preg test and its bfn. So I think fantastic, yet another loss. But its been 3 weeks since my 3 day bleed and I keep getting heartburn and other symptoms. I keep thinking, what if, what if I an some how still pregnant. Am I in complete denial or could it still be possible. I hate all of this pregnancy malarky. Some people make having a family look so damn easy!! Feeling sad!