Should I stop what I’m doing?

Question

I’m currently in 8th grade and in middle school. It’s this guy that I’ve had a crush on since 6th grade and he’s finally showing me some recognition! So we've talked and everything but right now I think we’re.... friends with benefits? It’s nothing really dramatic, it’s just been touching and feeling. We've never kissed or done oral, so it’s just minor. The problem is, I want to be more than friends, I want to be together, but I don’t think he wants that. We've sent dirty texts and everything, but what I’m mainly afraid of is getting exposed for some reason. I know a girl that goes to my school who actually sent a nude picture to a guy she liked and he posted it all over social media and everybody that goes to my school either saw it or heard about it, and I don't want to be like that! I actually enjoy the way he touches me but I just feel so guilty and wrong. I want to stop it but at the same time, I don't. What should I do?

Answer

Well, I think you should stop.. I think you're too young to be worried about sending dirty text messages.. Flirting, holding hands, stuff like that is one thing. But anything more is too much for your age. Just my opinion though. Definitely don't send him a nudie.

Answer

Enjoy his company and friendship. Slow down on all the sexual things. You have plenty of time for that in the future. Enjoy being a teen and stay safe from any technology sex stuff. Even the dirty messages can come back up and haunt you! It may not seem like it now but one day he'll be another crush and another part of your past! Focus on yourself and enjoy your childhood! Good luck and stay safe!

Answer

It sounds like you want to stop... This isn't something you will realize until you're older, but it's much much much better to wait to engage in any sexual activity until you are actually ready. And when you know you're ready you wouldn't be having second thoughts or doubts. I was 15 when I first did anything sexual. I was also 15 (10th grade) when I lost my virginity, and looking back now I really wish I would have waited. I just wasn't mature enough to deal with the emotions that come along with having sex.... I think you should reflect on how much you genuinely want to do sexual things with this boy (or any other person) vs. how much you want him to like you. Remember, never ever EVER do anything (sexual) that you are not 100000% comfortable with!!! That ranges anywhere from holding hands to kissing to sending nudes to having sex. Any type of sex. Over the years I truly did learn that sex is meant for people that are more mature for a reason. Let your mind develop more before jumping into having a sex life. The younger/ less mature you are, the more extreme the emotional and mental obstacles are going to seem to you. I hope this helped a little. Good luck soldier

Answer

Tell him you want to be more. If he doesn't want that then you deserve better. Remember you're in 8th grade, you have plenty of time to try everything so don't let anyone pressure you into something you would feel uncomfortable/guilty about. Also with the nudes, that is illegal, so please stay away from that.

Answer

I remember 8th grade very clearly. At the time I had a job, was entirely responsible for my education (no reminders from my mom). I did all of  my own laundry, cooked my own meals, and I thought that because I was well read and was more mature than my peers and had much more responsibility that I was all grown up. I didn't think that the person that I was at that time would really change from that point on to adulthood. What I realize now, as an adult who was recently married, is that I did not value myself enough. I was very excited for all of the sexual experiences that came my way--the kissing, touching, and more. What I will tell you is that I wish that I hadn't done as much sexual stuff as I did before I got married. If I could go back in time and talk to my 14 year old self, then I would tell myself not to kiss anyone or do other stuff until I got engaged. Unfortunately, my experience has taught me that guys are not very well equipped to take care of your heart and do things physically at the same time. I know that that sounds like such a big downer, but even if you wait for just a few years, I PROMISE that there will still be guys in line to date you, they will just be more mature. I guess my advice, is that the best way to get to know someone is to be just friends. You are worth a commitment, and it sounds like he can't even commit to the idea of being interested right now.

Answer

Consider these questions:

1)  What are ALL the possible risk or outcomes? Do you fully understand each risk or outcome?
2)  Do you know how to protect yourself from all possible negative outcomes? Are you committed to doing everything you can to protect yourself from those negative outcomes?
3) If any of those risks or outcomes were to occur, are you fully prepared: mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially,  to handle ALL of the possible risks or outcomes in an appropriate manner?  What would you do to handle each risk or outcome?
4) Are you compromising your personal morals, values, and beliefs?Does this choice instill feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment?
5) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?  What about in 10 years?  How could the possible risks and outcomes affect your future goals?

I was A LOT like you when I was in grade 8... I chose to take things further.  Looking back, I wish I had made a better choice.  I knew the risks; I knew the possible outcomes.  I knew how to protect myself from those risks and outcomes and did everything I knew to protect myself.  My choice DID compromise my values, my beliefs, and my morals.  My choice did result in feelings of shame and guilt.  The stress that occurred as a result of my choice, was more than had ever expected it to be.

Ultimately, it's your decision but PLEASE think long and hard and BE SELFISH when you make your choice! 
😊

Answer

I'm from England so I don't actually know what age you are but when I had my fwb we just done things for the experience of it, all good things come to those who wait and after a while he began to have feelings for me so just try to get him to be your best friend as well and hopefully it should work out for you

Answer

I was very much like you when I was in 8th grade except I was "dating" my boyfriend at the time. I chose to take it further and lost my virginity to him. Now, I will say that we both loved one another very much and stayed together until we both graduated high school so I don't regret what I did but looking back I do wish I would have waited a little longer. I don't want to sound like a total mom here but just be careful. Young men don't always have the same feelings as girls do and many times are just after getting in your pants so keep this in mind. If you are thinking he only wants to be friends with benefits then I would definitely slow things down a bit. You don't want to fall for this guy and get your heart broken if you do give it up and he just walks away after he gets what he wants. Make him earn your respect before you give him a piece of you.

Should I stop what I’m doing?

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