Now I'm the abusive one?! Oh hell no. (Trigger: abuse)
Please read this. Before all the devil's-advocate-types jump on me, please hear me out. I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship for over a year so I recognize the signs of manipulation, and have used that experience to better myself and my relationships.
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(START TRIGGER)
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That SOB took advantage of my caring and people-pleasing personality to the point where he would be 5 hours away and I would still lock myself in my bedroom and ask permission to leave and permission to take showers because I thought I was being a good girlfriend and making him happy. He would get angry and upset if he didn't know where I was at all times or if I wasnt in constant contact with him. It wasn't until a friend caught on to what was going on that I realized how fucked up my relationship actually was. When I told my family, they blamed me. "You picked him."
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(END TRIGGER)
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That being said, I have always been the type of person to put others' happiness and wants above my own. I'm a bit of a pushover and have trouble standing up for myself. I hate confrontation. Since the relationship that I just described, I have been working on being more assertive and confident in all aspects of my life. And I don't do well with people guilting me or trying to manipulate me.
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Fast forward to my current relationship. Over the year we've been together, I'm starting to recognize a pattern. He will do things, selfish things, and I will get upset like any normal person would. We talk things out but we go in circles and nothing changes. So the next time the same thing happens, I get upset again. But he tries to twist the situation and guilt me into feeling like its my fault and that he is the victim and I am a horrible person. As someone who has experienced the mental and emotional pain of abuse, I am so offended and hurt that this is happening. I thought I would never have to look back and feel those emotions again - and now I'm the one who is the monster?
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Please don't attack me. I just needed a place to express my feelings and organize my thoughts. Thank you to everyone who read all of this. And to survivors of abuse, you are strong and I am proud of you.
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